A Constant Savior
by andyouwillneverknow
Summary: Tara knows that if she stays in Charming, Gemma will do anything to break her and Jax up.  So, she needs to convince Jax to leave with her when she goes to college.  It asks the question what does Jax love more...his club? Or his old lady?
1. Chapter 1

I stood at the podium, the white sheet of paper lay in front of me. My eyes skimmed the black words typed across it. It was familiar I had written it, then reread it a hundred times, but this time was different. It would be the last time I read it. "As Charming High's valedictorian..." I started, then scanned the crowd.

Among the rows of parents, who were snapping pictures or grandmothers with tears in their eyes sat Jax. Wearing his leather cut and my favorite crooked smirk on his face. His long blonde hair fell to his shoulders. It took everything I could not to run off the stage and into his lap. He had been running guns up the coast with the Nevada charter of Sons and I hadn't seen him in days. I focused again on the speech and continued.

"I have to say that these last four years together have been great, but Charming High has given us the tools we need to move on in this world. To go to college and make something of our lives. I hope that in ten years when we come back for a reunion that everyone of us is successful and happy, because we all deserve it. We've had our time. Where we've made mistakes and have triumphed, but our time's not over, yet..."

"So, now fellow graduates can we all stand and sing our alma mater to honor the school that has brought us together and has helped us map out the plan for the rest of our lives," I finished and cleared my throat. Then my classmates behind me stood as the opening hymn to our school song crackled over the speakers. My eyes never left Jax's as I mouthed the familiar words.

A shower of black graduation caps rained down on me as I stood on the back steps of Charming High. Once again I scanned the crowd, waiting in the parking lot. It was like a mob, broken up into small clusters. Each of them wearing a smile, some holding tissues to wipe away their tears of joy. I searched the crowd, but in my head I knew my father wouldn't be there. Since my mother's passing, it was hard to find him outside of a bar. So, instead I let my eyes drift to the row of cars on the opposite side of the parking lot. Among them was a familiar Harley. Jax leaned against it, a cigarette hung out of his mouth. When I caught his eye, he flashed my favorite smirk.

I took the concrete steps two at a time, then listened for the soft click-clack of my heels against the pavement. When I reached him, I threw my arms around his neck and my legs wrapped easily around his waist. Our lips moved together at record speed.

"Congratulations, darlin'," He whispered. His lips brushing against my ear. The hair on the back of my neck stood up at his touch. We'd been together for years, but his touch still made me hot and heavy.

"How was the run?" I asked, burying my face in the hollow of his shoulder. I breathed in the familiar scent of cigarette smoke and motorcycle exhaust and I was home.

"Eh, long. We didn't get into any trouble, though," He commented and kissed my cheek. "I missed you."

"I missed you, too," I answered, tightening my arms around his neck. Carefully, he pried me from his body and helped me down.

"Gemma's got a party set up for you back at the club house."

Gemma throwing me a party? "Oh, she didn't have to," I said, cocking my head to the side. What I really meant was Gemma? Really?

"It's her way of saying sorry. For all the shit she's put you through in the last few years."

I took my helmet from his bike and strapped it under my chin, feeling the stares from my classmates and their families, but I didn't even turn around. I'd gotten used to the staring and the constant whispers when I walked by. The gawking and gossiping came with dating a Son.

"Come on, darlin'," Jax said. He was already seated on the motorcycle. I took my place behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist and digging my face into his shoulder, gently pressing my cheek against the soft, worn leather of his cut.

* * *

><p>"Congrats, future doc," Chibs said in his Scottish brogue. He engulfed me in a hug, once I was off Jax's bike.<p>

"Thanks," I answered. Then I was tossed from one club member to the other. Each shouting their congratulations and clapping me on the back. It was awhile, before I was in Jax's arms again.

I leaned into his chest as we sprawled out on one of the couches in the clubhouse. He drew patterns on my arms with his fingers. I heard the click-clacking of heels against the floor and looked up to find Gemma heading our way. Her face pinched and uptight as usual. Her long black hair was draped over her shoulders.

"Congratulations," She said coldly. I nodded and pulled myself upright.

"Thanks," I mumbled, uncomfortably. She stared down at the two of us for several moments, then gestured to the bar behind her.

"The food's ready," She said. Several members of the club were already gathered around the bar, plates in hand. I smiled and let Jax pull me to my feet. He went off to the bar, but I stayed behind with Gemma.

"Thank you..." I said, gesturing to the clubhouse. "For doing this. I know you don't like me that much. So it means a lot."

Gemma's jaw tightened and she crossed her arms across her chest defiantly. She was a woman you wouldn't want to mess with. She was ruthless and smart. Her family was the club and she didn't let any outside forces tear them apart. "I like you, honey." She answered. "I like you, because you make Jax happy, but Jax is blind. He just sees you as a hot piece of ass with a good personality. He doesn't realize that you're not strong enough for this." She moved her arms around the open space. I knew what she meant. She didn't think I could handle club business when it got bloody. "You're smart, Tara. You're gonna be a doctor." She took a step closer and lowered her voice, making sure her words didn't travel. "Jax will never leave you. It would hurt him, too much. But if you ever got hurt, because of the club. He would never forgive himself." She shook her head. "And I can't let my son get hurt that way. So, be the smart woman you are and leave him. Pack your bags, go to college, go to medical school, do your residency, get out of here. Get out of Charming and don't come back."

I took a step back. Her words stung. The reason she didn't like me was, because Jax loved me so much that it could end up hurting him? She really was more twisted than I thought. "I'm not going anywhere," I hissed through clenched teeth. "And if I do leave. It's not going to be without Jax."

**My first Sons fic. I hope you like it. Look out for more chapters!**


	2. Don't Let Me Go Alone

Jax looked at me from across the quad. He was propped up against a giant oak in the middle of the huge lawn. A ball point pen was in his right hand and a leather bound journal lay open in his lap. His long blond hair blew slightly in the breeze. I wrapped my bare arms around myself, in an effort to fight off the slight chill that hung in the Massachusetts autumn air. Why hadn't I grabbed that sweater on my way out this morning?

"Hey, darlin'," Jax smiled, flashing me a row of perfect white teeth. Butterflies swam in my stomach. Looking at him made me feel like the luckiest girl in the world. "How was class?" He asked patting the empty patch of grass next to him.

I slid down the trunk of the tree until I was sitting on the cold ground next to him. "It was good," I answered, with a warm smile.

Jax wrapped one arm around me and I burrowed my face into his leather cut. A smile danced at the corners of my lips. This was everything I wanted. Jax to come to Harvard with me. For us to get away from the outlaw, the lies, and the danger...

My alarm clock sounded. Ugh. Why hadn't I turned that off? I lazily smacked at the plastic alarm clock radio on my night stand until I hit the snooze button and the deafening beeps stopped. My eyes fluttered open and I was brought back from the green quad of Harvard and into my little bedroom in Charming.

I sat up and stared at the small vanity across from my bed. It was littered with make-up compacts, brushes, and half- empty perfume bottles. On the left of my bed were two bookshelves stuffed to capacity with old textbooks and medical dictionaries. My silky dress and rhinestone covered heels from the night before were strewn across the boring beige carpet, which was contrasted by the equally boring white washed walls.

Yup, that was definitely a dream.

I rolled out of bed and slipped my feet into the fuzzy pink slippers waiting on the floor. My growling stomach led me to the kitchen. The house was quiet, which meant my father had already left for his early morning shots or he hadn't come home last night...

I swung open the fridge and stared at the half full gallon of milk and left over chicken from last week stuffed inside too-small tubberware containers. The cabinets were just as empty, only holding stale cereal and a box of cake mix.

I slumped down into a wooden chair at the kitchen table. Why would I expect my father to stock the fridge while I was running around with graduation preparations? I needed to go grocery shopping. That was for sure.

The front door made a loud creaking sound as someone pushed it open. "Dad?" I called, not bothering to get up. He'd probably only stumble past me and into his bedroom without saying a word.

"Good morning, darlin'," Jax appeared in the kitchen door way holding up a take out bag from Charming's Diner in his right hand and my house key in the left. "Hungry?"

My heart jumped. I leapt from my chair and reached up on my tip-toes to plant a kiss on his soft mouth. He wrapped the arm with the key around my waist and pulled me closer. "Food?" He whispered against my mouth.

"Right?" I shook my head and pulled away. "Thanks." I turned and grabbed two plates and some utensils from the cupboard.

"Nice outfit," Jax teased from his place at my kitchen table.

I looked down at what I'd worn to bed. I'd forgotten that I was wearing his navy blue SAMCRO t-shirt and his old, ratty gray sweatpants. I looked up, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. "It's easier to fall asleep when I smell like you," I admitted and handed him a plate and fork.

He pulled me between his open legs and held me against his chest. "I told you. If you don't want to stay here alone. I can stay," He whispered into my stomach.

I stroked his long blond hair, feeling it's softness between my fingers. I bent down and took a whiff of his powdery shampoo. "I'm fine."

Jax pulled back and smiled at me. "I know you are," He said and patted the empty chair next to him. "I got your favorite. Pancakes, eggs, and bacon."

I licked my lips and giggled in approval. "You know me too well, Teller," I joked and ripped open the white paper bag.

We sat in silence for a moment, then I remembered my dream...

I stared at Jax as he took a big forkful of scrambled eggs and shoveled it into his mouth. I didn't know how I was going to bring this up, because every time I worked up the courage to ask, Gemma appeared at the back of my mind telling me how good it would be for Jax if I was the one to leave him.

"What's up?" He asked, smirking at me over his plate of food.

I looked down at my own plate and tossed the idea around in my head some more, before finally building up the courage to ask. "It's about August..." I whispered, not taking my eyes off my syrup drenched pancakes.

"What about it?" Jax asked suspiciously. He placed his fork next to his plate with a loud clunking noise.

"I want you to come with..." I managed. I took another bite of my pancakes and chewed slowly, trying to make myself look busy. Finally, I let myself look at Jax.

His blue eyes looked tired and I knew he was thinking of Gemma, just as I was. He was seeing the evil glare she would give him when he proposed the idea of leaving at the end of the summer and the sharp words she would shoot about how the club needed him and he was betraying his father.

After a long beat of awkward silence Jax looked me in the eyes and my heart sunk, because I knew what he was going to say. It was written all over his face. "I want to, Tara. More than anything. I don't want to be away from you...I don't know how to be away from you..." He trailed off and cleared his throat. "But Gemma...I mean we both know what she's going to say."

I rolled my eyes and leaned forward. "Why do you care so much? Don't you think it's time she stopped holding you to this club?" I snapped. I couldn't help myself. I wanted Jax more than anything and I couldn't let Gemma hold me back, no matter how much of a threat she was.

"This club is my family..." He shook his head, making his hair cover his face like a curtain. Finally, he looked up. "Ever since I was five all I've ever wanted was a Harley and a cut. This club needs me.."

Of course. I knew he wasn't going to leave, but I figured it was worth a shot. "You're right, forget I asked." I pushed away from the table, trying to hide the pain I felt and grabbed both our plates.

"I'm not going to forget," Jax said.

I stopped scraping our food into the garbage and looked up, silently begging him to continue.

"I will think about it," He finished and stood to encircle me in his warm, familiar arms.

My mind ran with ideas of how we would walk around the Harvard campus hand in hand. Maybe he would get a job at a mechanics shop in Massachusetts. We could rent a little apartment my Sophmore year. The possibilities were endless. The future could take us anywhere, but there was one thing I was sure of...Wherever the future takes me, I want Jax to be there. By my side.

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><p><strong>I hope you like the chapter! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	3. My Perfect Summer

**Takes place a few days after the last chapter.**

Summer is my favorite season. Don't get me wrong, I love school and learning, but I love the three months of break just as much. The freedom, the heat, everything about summer just makes me happy.

* * *

><p>I woke up in my small room, with Jax's arm tight around my waist and the sunlight streaming through the thin curtains, casting shadows on my carpet and bed. Jax's arm was tight around my waist as I cuddled in closer to his chest. We were alone in the house I was sure of that. My father hardly hung around anymore. Instead he liked to stay at the local pub. He was a regular there and no one gossiped about him having too much to drink anymore. Even I had come to terms with the fact that my father was the town drunk and no amount of begging or pleading was going to make him sign up for a twelve step program.<p>

"Morning, babe," Jax said, his words were slow and lethargic.

I smiled into his bare chest. The warmth felt nice against my face. "Good morning."

I rolled out of bed, wearing nothing but Jax's white t-shirt that had SONS written across the chest and a pair of his boxers. I padded across the carpet and made my way to the small bathroom across the hall from my bedroom.

"I'm taking a shower," I called over my shoulder.

"Mind if I join?" Jax joked, pulling himself out of bed. The mattress springs groaned under his weight.

"Shut it, Teller," I laughed and turned the faucet. Warm water streamed out of the shower and enveloped me in steam. I looked over my shoulder and saw Jax standing in the doorway staring at me. "What?" I giggled, looking down at the water hitting my bare body.

"Nothing..." He sighed. "What do you want to do today?"

I shrugged and turned to wash my hair. "I don't know."

Jax was quit for a moment. He seemed to be thinking about something. "I know what we're gonna do," Jax finally said, flashing my favorite smirk. "I'll be back here in a half hour.

* * *

><p>I sat at the kitchen table, wearing a pair of denim shorts that showed off my long, thin legs and a tight red tank top that hugged my curves. What could Jax possible have planned? I thought of the things we'd been doing since I'd graduated. We drove around aimlessly, read books under big oaks in the park, and hung around the clubhouse.<p>

Jax burst through the door holding two helmets and wearing a devious smile. "Ready?" He asked, tossing me a helmet.

I nodded and stood up, uncertain of what was about to happen. "Where are we going?" I pulled my eyebrows together in confusion and let Jax lead me to his bike that was parked in my driveway. The sun glinted off it's shiny black exterior.

Jax jumped on the bike and I followed, straddling the seat and wrapping my arms tightly around his waist. "Ready," I said. Adjusting myself into position.

Jax drove for miles, right up the coast, until we were gliding along the highway that bordered the beach. I breathed in the salty air and knew that it was summer. It had been years since I had driven up here. My mother was still alive the last time I'd been here. She'd taken my cousin and I when we were kids.

"You shouldn't have..." I mumbled, taking in the sight of the crashing waves and the pale white sand. It was beautiful.

Jax pulled into a small parking lot. The beach was unusually empty for a summer afternoon. He stopped, jumped off the bike and ran around back to untie the picnic basket he'd anchored to the bike.

Slowly, I slide off my helmet and stared at the waves crashing over the shore and the young children that splashed in the water. Sea gulls flew overhead and girls sun bathed on towels.

"Ready, darlin'?" Jax asked, wrapping a protective arm around my shoulders. He held the basket with the other.

"I'm ready," I said and let him lead me to the beach. We kicked off our shoes and left them on the boardwalk. When we first stepped onto the sand it was blistering, but it felt good. Although, it was slightly chilly down at the coast with the breeze coming in. I got shivers up and down the length of my spine when the wind blew.

Jax stopped a few feet from the ocean and spread out the blanket that he'd packed in the basket. I plopped down, stretched my naked legs out in front of me. Jax took a seat, too. I studied him. The forming wrinkles on his forehead, from the stress the club often put on him, his blue eyes that always seemed a little tired, and his long, shoulder length blonde hair was always soft and messy.

"What?" He asked with a smile. He offered me a sandwich that was wrapped in cellophane. "Turkey and swiss."

My favorite. I offered him a smile and unwrapped the sandwich, taking a bite.

We laid on the blanket for hours. He wrapped me in his arms and I rested my head on his strong chest. I felt at home, safe. It was the kind of safety only his arms could provide. The kind of safety I was afraid to leave behind when I left for college in August. Neither of us spoke of the question on the tips of our tongues, 'Would Gemma allow him to leave?'

Instead, we laid on that blanket laughing and talking about life until the moon started to rise over head and the sky turned black. Then Jax carefully stood up and packed away the contents of our day into the basket and grabbed my hand. "Ready to go?" He asked, nodding toward his bike standing alone in the parking lot.

The whole beach had cleared and I hadn't even noticed. I laughed at my obliviousness and nodded. "Let's go," I said and let him lead me to the boardwalk.

On the way home, he rode slow taking his time. We just felt the wind in our hair and heard the roar of the bike's engine. This was my favorite time to ride. Right after the moon had risen and the world seemed almost quiet.

He dropped me at home and apologized for having to leave, promising he'd be back when he finished with the club. I stood on the curb and watched until I could no longer see his bike.

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><p>The whole summer went on like that. We took little trips to the park or back to beach. Sometimes we would just hang around the clubhouse or I'd watch him work on cars in the shop. Every night he would crawl into bed beside me. It was my perfect summer.<p>

Toward the end of July there was a kind of hunger inside me. Hunger for Jax. I needed to be with him at all moments, like any of our times together could be our last. I could see in his eyes that he felt the same way. It pained him to leave my side. I think we felt like this, because August was getting closer. Jax and I hadn't spoken anymore about him coming to college with me. I guess we both knew what Gemma would say. So, instead we prepared ourselves for our coming separation, by spending every spare second together and cherishing every touch, every kiss.

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><p>I woke up one morning with a note on my night stand and an empty bed.<p>

'Clay called in the middle of the night. I had to leave. I'll see you later. I love you. I think it's time to talk about things.

Love You,

Jax'

I pressed the letter to my chest and sighed. So today would be the day? We were finally going to ask Gemma? I shook my head and took a deep breath. I better put on my bullet proof vest.

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><p><strong>I hope you like the chapter! I love writing this fic! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	4. It Was All Too Good To Be True

Jax and I were stretched out in my bed. I was pressed up against him, the heat from his body seeped through my thin t-shirt. I nuzzled my face closer to chest and breathed in his familiar scent. We had spent the whole day at the clubhouse, because Clay wanted everyone close, while he and Tig ran guns up the coast.

Jax's cell phone rang. I jumped up, letting my hand fumble clumsily in the dark for his phone that he'd put on my nightstand before and handed it to him. Who was calling him so early in the morning? I checked the alarm clock radio on my small nightstand. It was two o'clock in the morning...

Jax flipped open the phone and pressed it to his ear. "Hey," He said, rubbing the length of my arm.

I propped myself up on an elbow and leaned closer, trying to hear who was on the other line. I just heard a soft murmur coming through the tiny phone. 'Who is it?' I mouthed, but Jax ignored me. His brows pulled together with concern instead and he dropped my gaze, listening intently to whatever was being said through the receiver. I could see the rage starting to burn in his eyes.

I laid my head back on his chest, absently tracing patterns on his bare abs. Finally, he flipped the phone shut and sighed.

"What was that about?" I asked, looking up at him.

He shifted his weight, carefully laying me down on the bed, then stood up. "It was Clay," He growled.

I felt my eyebrows shoot up with surprise. "What's going on?" I remembered our conversation at the clubhouse earlier about the people who just opened the cigar shop on Main Street. Ethan Zobelle and AJ Weston were after SAMCRO, because they associated with color. The two of them thought that they could prove to Charming that it would be protected without the Sons.

"Zobelle and Weston want to fight. They're ten best verse ours," He said matter of fact, shimmying into his jeans. His voice was hard.

I pulled his t-shirt over my head and threw it at him. "Why?" I asked, wondering if something else had happened. It didn't sound that serious when he mentioned them earlier.

Jax slipped the shirt over his head and paused for a moment as though he was choosing his words carefully. Then his gaze hardened and he spoke again, "They attacked Gemma, while she was on her way home from Bobby's party tonight..." He looked away studying something on the other side of the room. He wiped a hand along his mouth. Anger burned behind his eyes. I could tell he was mad. "They raped her. Three of them."

I jumped up, wrapping a sheet around my bare chest. Jax handed me another shirt from the floor and I pulled it on. "She was...raped?" I asked, my voice shaking.

If someone went after Clay Morrow's old lady, did that mean no one was safe? Not even Jax Teller's old lady? I trembled.

Jax must have noticed my fear, because he pulled me into a hug, pressing me tight to his chest. "You have nothing to worry about. We're going to end this tonight." He whispered, then gently kissed my hair.

I nodded into his shoulder. "You promise?"

"Yes," Jax said, then pulled away. "I can have Piney come stay here if you want," He offered. "You can stay at the clubhouse."

I shook my head. I felt silly. I couldn't possibly be afraid for myself when Jax was the one about to risk his life. "No, no," I said. "I'm fine here."

Jax pulled me in again, crushing me to his chest, then kissed my forehead. "I love you."

I love you, too," I said, kissing him passionately. Whenever he left for runs or for club business I had this feeling that he wasn't going to come back. The feeling twisted my stomach and made me sick. I looked up at his familiar face. I knew it better than I knew my own. I smiled and cupped his face in my hands, feeling his slight stubble under my fingertips. "Be safe." I whispered, kissing him gently.

He reached for my hand and kissed my fingers. "I will."

I knelt on the bed, until I could no longer hear the roar of the motorcycle's engine. Then I collapsed, wrapping myself in the sheets and breathing in Jax's scent that lingered in the soft cotton. I laid in the dark unable to fall asleep. My thoughts were with Jax, I prayed silently that he was okay and he would come home to me. My heart thudded wildly in my chest and a nervous sweat broke out on my forehead. I just needed Jax to come back. I needed to know he was okay.

I thought about Gemma, I wondered where she was and if she was doing okay. She might've hated me, but I still felt awful about what had happened to her. She had to have been scared, although it was hard to imagine someone as tough as Gemma being scared.

* * *

><p>Sometime around four o'clock my eyes were heavy enough for sleep and my heart had stopped trying to break my rib cage. I slowly let my eyes close, hoping sleep would overcome me.<p>

A loud thud sounded from somewhere in the front of my house. Followed by a crash. 'Shit' someone mumbled. I shot up in bed, my hand flew to my cell phone.

My heart started again. It raced wildly in my chest. I started dialing, my hands automatically typed Jax's number.

"Tara?" He answered, concern was thick in his voice. I could picture his eyebrows pulling together the way they always did when he was worried.

"Jax..." I started. My breaths were heavy and fast. "Someone's here. Someone's in my house."

"I'm coming," He said urgently.

"Jax! Stay on the line, please!" I said a little to loud, then clamped a hand over my mouth. My eyes shot to the door half expecting the intruders to burst through it.

"Get the bat I keep in your closet and hide in there until I come! I'm sorry I need to ride, I can't stay on!" He was screaming over the roar of the engine. "I love you!" He shouted, then the line went dead.

I stared at the phone for a moment. Then snapped it shut. I stood up and slowly inched my way toward the closet on the other side of my room. I was only wearing one of Jax's SAMCRO shirts, pretty much the only thing I wore at night and a pair of panties, but I didn't have time to change.

There was another loud boom that sounded closer. Maybe it was in the kitchen. Soft footsteps muted by the carpet seemed to be getting closer.

I took a spot in my closet, crouching down behind a rack of shoes and holding the bat tight to my chest.

"You sure she's home?" A rough, oddly familiar voice said. It was just outside my bedroom door.

My body shook wildly. I had to bite my tongue to hold in the scream that traveled up my throat.

"Yeah, I've been watching the house all night. Teller left after we made the deal to fight. He left her unprotected." Another voice answered.

Someone had been watching? That only made me shake even more. All I wanted was Jax. I wanted him to burst through the door and save me. I wanted the warmth of his arms. The safety...

My door flew open, smacking the wall in the process. The sound echoed throughout the house. It was an earsplitting crack. Then a tiny slit of yellow light became visible through the small crack under my closet door. I tightened my grip on the bat, preparing myself to swing it.

"She's not in here," The familiar voice said. There was anger in his words. He was obviously pissed off at his informant.

"She has to be. She was nowhere else in the house..." The second voice answered.

Then there was the sound of things being tossed around my room. They were probably searching it. I squeezed my eyes tight, hoping that Jax would come now.

The closet door opened, flooding the small space with light. I sucked in a breath and looked up at the two intruders. They were wearing white, rubber masks.

"That's her. Jax Teller's old lady," The second voice said.

The man standing a little further back nodded. "Get her. Put her in the van." Now I knew where I'd heard that voice before... Tonight before we left Bobby's party. Zobelle and Weston showed up and threatened Clay... It was Weson here now.

I gulped and raised the bat, prepared to swing. The second man only laughed and pulled a gun, pointing it at my temple. "Drop the bat."

My heart was racing and my hands were slick on the bat. I let it fall to the floor. It hit the rack of shoes, causing them to fall all over the floor.

I struggled to stand, my bare knees wobbled and I took an unsteady step. the guy who wasn't Weston grabbed the crook of my elbow and pulled me forward, roughly.

* * *

><p>The two of them got me outside and into the back of a white painter's van. As I stumbled across my front walkway I searched the street for Jax's motorcycle and listened carefully for the roar of it's engine, but I heard and saw nothing. It was too late. Jax was too late. I was probably going to die. I took a deep, calming breath. Although it did nothing to calm me and they forcefully shoved me into the back of the van.<p>

I landed against the hard plastic floor face first. I grunted and pulled myself to a sitting position. I felt the blood already starting to rush from my nose. Weston climbed into the van with me and began tying my hands behind my back with strong rope. He tied it tight. I could already feel the blood struggling to make it past my wrists. Then he stuck a piece of masking tape over my mouth.

I murmured incoherently and tried desperately to undo the rope around my hands.

Weston grabbed me by my throat and threw me up against the side of the van. The second man shut the doors and started the engine. We pulled away from the curb and I had no idea where we were headed.

Weston still had me pressed against the side of the van. The hard plastic dug into my back and his hand was slowly making my windpipe collapse.

"Jax and Clay didn't get our message with what we did to Gemma. Maybe they'll understand better when we hurt you..." He growled. "They don't get to retaliate. They only get to follow our demands."

I nodded weakly and he let me fall. I crashed to the floor again, this time hitting the side of my face. When he pulled me to a sitting position again, I felt the warm blood dripping from my right cheek. It trailed down my face and made a path on my neck. I whimpered weakly.

"See, we told Gemma to let Clay and Jax know that we don't approve of them dealing guns with the Mayans and the One-Niners..." His lips were only inches from my ears. My skin crawled as his warm breath hit my cheek. "We didn't want a fight...just for them to listen." He sighed dramatically, then continued. "Well, they didn't." He pulled out a knife and held it to my forearm. "Maybe they will now..." He slowly dragged the knife across my skin, opening a fresh cut there. I cried out in pain, but it was muffled by the tape.

Weston pulled out a cell phone and dialed, then pressed the cold plastic to my ear. "Hello?" Jax's familiar voice growled into the phone.

I tried desperately to make my voice coherent, but the tape made it impossible.

Weston yanked the tape from my mouth, causing me to scream. "Tara!" Jax said urgently into the phone.

"Jax!" I said back, mimicking his tone. "It's me!"

"Where are you?" I could hear anger in his voice. I didn't know how to respond.

I looked up at Weston. He was still wearing the mask. He didn't need it. I knew who he was. He put the phone to his own ear. "We have her and if you want her back follow the instructions we gave Gemma before..." Then he shoved the phone back to me.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I WILL KILL YOU. IF YOU HURT HER, I WILL KILL YOU!" Jax screamed.

"Babe, it's me," I replied and heard a sigh on Jax's end.

"I'm so sorry this is happening," He said.

I nodded, even though he couldn't see me. "It's not your fault," I answered, trying to take some of the pain from his voice.

"I will make this right. I'll get you back," Jax said sincerely and I knew he was making a promise and Tellers didn't break their promises.

"I know, Jax," I breathed, trying to sound like I wasn't going to throw up out of fear.

"I love you, Tara," Jax said. He sounded tired, defeated.

I smiled slightly, despite the situation. "I love you, too." I answered.

Then Weston took the phone back. "You can pick her up later in the utility house parking lot...maybe. We need to be sure she understands our demands." Without waiting for Jax's answer he slammed the phone shut and put a fresh piece of tape over my mouth.

I looked up at him, my eyes widening with shock.

Weston back handed me across the face. I thought back to something Gemma had said to me after Jax and I had gotten real serious. "_You're Jax Teller's old lady__, and that __means something__. In this __clubhouse__, and in this __town__. __People need__ to __show you respect__, and __you don't take shit__ from __anyone." _I wanted to laugh, because here I was taking shit from this man.

The beating went on for hours. Weston hit, kicked, and shoved me until I was lying on the floor of the van, bleeding from almost every part of my body and wishing I was dead. He repeated the demands over and over again, then dialed Jax's number, pressing the phone to my ear again.

"Jax, he wants you to kill Leroy and Alvarez. That's the only way he'll let me go alive..." I mumbled. Then the phone was stolen from my ear and I was flat on the ground again. My whole body aching.

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

**I hope you like the chapter! It was fun to write! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!**


	5. I'm Her Family

**CONTINUED... **

Jax's POV:

I pulled up to Tara's house with Opie and Chibs on my flanks. The door was left wide open and the lights inside made the windows glow a warm yellow color. I kicked my bike to a stop and ran full speed up the concrete path leading to the front door.

"Tara!" I yelled, when I stepped into the living room. There was no answer, so I screamed again. "Tara!" I called out.

I could hear Op and Chibs behind me, looking through the rooms, carefully checking each closet. I went through the house on my own, stopping in Tara's bedroom. It looked like a bomb had gone off. The dresser drawers were thrown across the floor, the carpet littered with her clothes. The sheets on her bed were ripped off and twisted into a ball at the foot of the bed. The books and medical dictionaries that normally were stuffed into the small bookshelves were now scattered around the room, some of their pages torn out. I walked over to the closet where I'd told Tara to hide, but it was empty. The bat lay on the floor and her shoes that had once been carefully place in racks, were poured out on the closet floor. "Shit," I mumbled, my heart thudded wildly in my chest. Where was she? Who took her?

Opie came running into the room, stopping short as he surveyed the damage. "The house is empty, man," He said slowly, still looking around the room.

"I know," I growled, then turned to look at him. "They took Tara!" I screamed, my throat ached from the force. "They took Tara!" I screamed again. Opie rushed over and I leaned into him for support. My knees gave out from under me and I hit the floor, the tears already rolling down my face.

"We're going to find her," Opie promised, holding me on the floor.

Chibs burst into the room holding out a cell phone. "It's Weston."

I grabbed the phone, the rage already coursing through my body. "Hello?"

There was low mumbling on the other end of the phone, realization crept through my body and a little surge of hope. "Tara?" I screamed frantically.

"Jax!" Her familiar voice answered. "It's me!" She gushed.

"Where are you?" I growled, just wanting to find her. There was a long silence, then another voice spoke.

"We have her and if you want her back follow the instructions we gave Gemma before..."

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! I WILL KILL YOU. IF YOU HURT HER, I WILL KILL YOU!" I hollered into the phone. The anger that I felt was like nothing I've ever felt before. It threatened to take over and control my every move.

"Babe, it's me," Tara's soothing voice answered and I felt the small window of hope again.

"I'm so sorry this is happening," I apologized. This was all my fault. This wasn't the kind of life Tara deserved.

"It's not your fault," She pleaded. I knew she would say that. Lie to me, because she was afraid of hurting me.

I gulped and ran a nervous hand through my hair. "I will make this right. I'll get you back," I promised.

"I know, Jax," She said, putting all her faith in me.

"I love you, Tara," I answered. I was tired, defeated. They played my last weakness. First Gemma, now Tara.

"I love you, too," She answered.

"You can pick her up at the utility house parking lot...maybe," Weston grunted into the phone.

Before I could even speak the phone was shut. I handed the phone back to Chibs, then ran like hell out of the house, and jumped onto my motorcycle. Chibs and Opie were right behind me. They took off with me, not even asking where we were headed.

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><p>At a stop sign, my phone rang in my pocket. I fumbled to get it out, then flipped it open. "Jax, he wants you to kill Leroy and Alvarez. That's the only way he'll let me go alive..." Tara mumbled. Her voice already weaker than before. That was all she said, before the phone was hung up and the line went dead. I listened to the monotone beeping sound coming through the phone, before sliding it back into my pocket. I pulled over onto a shoulder, trying to clear my head.<p>

"He wants Leroy and Alvarez dead," I said, pacing back and forth on the side of the road.

"You can't do that man," Opie said. "That would start a blood war."

I knew Opie could see it in my eyes that I was considering it. "I need her back," I said, my voice breaking over the last word.

We stood there in silence, Opie and Chibs having a silent conversation with their eyes, while I kicked my sneaker into the pavement.

Then a white painter's van zipped by. The driver was wearing a white rubber mask, just like the one Gemma had described when I saw her before. I immediately jumped on my bike and sped off after it. The rage built up inside me and I wanted nothing more than to shoot, but I had this gut feeling that Tara was in that van.

We watched the van pull into the old utility house parking lot. We kept our distance as the driver ran around the back of the van, unloaded something...or someone and hopped in the front seat again, careening carefully out of the parking lot.

In the middle of the parking lot, under a sole street lamp was Tara. She was lying limp, wrapped in one of my navy blue SAMCRO t-shirts, her legs bare, and her hair splayed out on the pavement. Her faces was bruised and covered in dried blood. My heart leapt in my chest and I revved the engine, turning into the parking lot, my eyes never leaving Tara.

When we turned into the lot, she moved wildly and mumbled against the tape secured over her mouth. I was sure she was trying to get our attention. Let us know where she was. I bounded over to her and carefully removed the tape.

My heart slowed and I let the tears stream down my cheeks as I held her close. Silently, thanking anyone who would listen that she was safe. The rage I felt toward Zobelle and Weston was put on the back burner as I held Tara in my arms and whispered that everything would be okay, that I had her now.

* * *

><p>At the hospital I flew through the emergency entrance, carrying Tara bridal style in my arms. Her head was propped up against my chest. "Someone help her!" I called out. The E.R was filled to capacity. Kid's with ice packs on their limbs looked up as I wildly looked for someone to help Tara, a mother rocked her crying new born back and forth, and a woman bent over her husband who was trying desperately to breath, in the corner a man coached a pregnant woman to take deep breaths.<p>

A nurse approached me, giving Tara a once over and gesturing for a gurney. "What happened?"

"I found her. Out by the old utility house off of the highway," I explained, looking down at Tara, whose eyes were rolling back in her head.

An orderly arrived with a gurney and I gently placed Tara on it. "Do you know her?" The nurse asked.

"Yes, she's my girlfriend. Tara Knowles. Eighteen years old," I rambled on.

The orderly shoved Tara through two double swinging doors. I watched her until she rounded the corner. The nurse went behind the admittance desk and handed me two clipboards full of forms. "Fill these out. And you might want to contact her family," She said curtly, then went in the same direction they had taken Tara.

I stood in the middle of the E.R waiting room, holding the forms and staring blankly at the swinging doors they had taken Tara through. Opie and Chibs rushed up behind me, each of them clapping a reassuring hand on my shoulder. "I'm her only family," I whispered. Thinking about her father, who probably wasn't sober enough to comprehend that Tara had been hurt.

Opie steered me to a rough plastic chair and I sat down looking over the forms. I filled out the easy questions, name, birthday, age, sex, medical conditions, allergies. I stumbled over the social security and insurance questions and wrote my mother's name in as an emergency contact. I stood, numb to the world, everything seemed to be moving around me while I was standing still. I handed the forms over to the admittance desk, then turned, leaving the E.R behind me.

"Call Clay," I said over my shoulder. "And get a Prospect here to look out for Tara." I growled, not looking back over my shoulder, although I was positive Opie and Chibs were hot on my heels. "This ends tonight."

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><p><strong>Hope you liked the chapter! Leave reviews and let me know what you think! I switched to Jax's point of view, because I felt like this particular chapter could only be told from his vantage point.<strong>


	6. He Said Yes

** TARA'S P.O.V**

There was a low, monotone beep echoing in my ears. Beep. Beep. Beep. It was irritating, I needed to make it stop. I pulled at my ears and twisted uncomfortably. I felt the long, soft tubes hanging from my body and the thin wires. My eyes shot open and I was staring into the bulbs of strong fluorescent lights. I squinted and grunted, reaching up to shield my eyes. The long, clear tube attached to my hand, tugged my arm back down to the rough sheets. I looked up at the variety of machines surrounding my head, each displaying a different vital of mine. My head ached, my face felt swollen, I could barely open my right eye, my whole body felt like it was covered in one big bruise, and my right leg was weighed down by the plaster cast it was encased inside.

I rolled my head to the left, the chair next to my bed was empty. I looked to the right, nobody was standing there. I was alone. My heart rate started to pick up. The beeping become quicker, less of a pause between each noise. I remembered the last time I'd been alone. The white rubber masks, Weston's demanding voice, and the pain that followed each blow I received. I wriggled in bed, trying to chase the memories from my head. I didn't want to be alone. It was scary. I looked at the door to my hospital room, expecting Weston and his pal to walk through, wearing those disgusting masks.

The door opened, like I'd summoned them or something. A familiar face popped in, wearing a heart melting smile. His long blonde hair, fell like a curtain to cover the left half of his face. The leather cut I'd grown to love was hanging open, revealing a plaid button down. "Hi, darlin'," Jax said and made his way over to me.

I looked up at him, already feeling safe. "Hi," I said.

A worried expression clouded his features as he came to stand over me. "I'm so sorry," He whispered, smoothing my dark hair away from my face. "This shouldn't have happened to you."

I shook my head, ignoring the pain that followed. "This isn't your fault," I replied. "I should've went to the clubhouse or told you to send Piney over."

Jax looked up at the ceiling, like he always did when he was frustrated. "Tara you can't blame yourself," He snapped through clenched teeth. "This is on me."

I looked up at him with wide eyes, wanting more than anything to take away his pain. "And you can't blame yourself!" I shot back. "This is not on you. It's not on anyone, except Weston."

Jax looked away when I mentioned him and I knew before I even asked what had happened.

"Where is Weston?" I asked, playing with a loose thread on my blanket.

"He's bleeding out in a tattoo shop's bathroom," Jax answered honestly, looking me straight in the eye.

I nodded, slowly, accepting the facts. I had already known it would come to this. There was a long, pregnant pause. Then I continued, when it looked like Jax wasn't going to say anymore. "Thank you," I whispered, because no more Weston meant that he couldn't make good on his deal to hurt me again.

Jax leaned down and kissed my forehead, gently. "Shh," He hushed. "Don't worry about it."

I pulled down my sheets, revealing the light blue hospital gown I was in, then patted the space next to me. Jax smiled and slid into the spot, cradling me in his arms. We laid like this for hours, watching countless soap operas on the little television mounted to the hospital's wall.

I was near sleep, my eyes slowly drifting closed, when Jax cleared his throat. "I'm coming with you."

The words echoed in my ear. I was positive he'd said them, but I couldn't believe it. "You what?" I choked, looking up at him.

He stared down at me, "I'm coming with you. To Harvard," He repeated.

I almost jumped out of the bed, I was so excited, but I remained in his arms. A million thoughts ran through my head. Was this what he wanted? Or did he think he needed to protect me? Was he feeling guilty, because of Weston? What about Gemma? "Are you sure about this?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Tara, I can't let you leave," He replied. "I have thought about it all summer. Should I stay? Should I go?" He shifted in the bed, then continued. "I thought about how it would be if you left, but I couldn't imagine it. It hurt too much. Then this happened," He gestured to my mangled body. "And I thought that I'd lost you. It was too much. I never wanted to feel that again."

I reached up and pressed my lips to his, drinking in his familiar taste. I let the moment sink in, not wanting to ruin it, before I asked. "What about Gemma?"

Jax shook his head. "I'm nineteen, Tara. Gemma can't control my life forever."

I knew that legally she couldn't, but Gemma was manipulative and she alwas managed to get what she wanted. She had waited years for Jax to be old enough to become a member of SAMCRO. Now she was waiting for him to become president. There was no way she was going to let Jax walk away from this. "She's not going to let you leave," I said simply. A truth both of us knew, but he was too scared to admit.

Jax stared straight ahead at the blank white wall opposite us. "I'm not going to ask her permission."

This seemed to good to be true. Jax saying yes was one thing, but Gemma letting him leave was a whole other thing. She would never let him leave Charming. She was all about family and hometown. Leaving that behind was equivalent to sinning in Gemma's book. She'd give Jax hell for this.

Jax looked at me, calculating my facial expression. "You're not going to talk me out of this," He said, simply. "I want to go. I need to go," He looked at me, then back at the wall. "She's not going to stop me."

"When are we going to tell her?" I asked, giving up my fight.

"You don't have to come. This is my news," Jax said, shaking his head. Figures he was always worried about protecting me.

I shook my head. "I want to be there," I explained.

Jax nodded and squeezed me, pulling my body into his chest. I savored the warmth, feeling the soft skin of his neck against my cheek. "We'll tell her when you're better." He reached down and knocked on my cast. "How are you gonna get around with that thing?" He joked, subtly changing the subject.

I laughed, "That's what you're for, Teller," I told him.

He nodded. "So you are making me pay?" Jax asked, his tone equally light and joking.

"Not pay. You just have to be really nice to me until I'm healed," I answered, laughing.

Jax laughed, too. The sound was sweet and velvety. "Anything for you, darlin'," He promised, leaning down to kiss me. He held my face between both his hands, cradling my cheeks and deepened the kiss.

I pulled away, and flashed him a sheepish grin. "Anything for me?"

Jax chuckled again and nodded, "What do you need?"

"I haven't peed in hours," I admitted.

He shook his head, smiling and slipped off the bed. I carefully shimmied to his side of the bed, letting him scoop me into his arms. I laid bridal style, loving the way his warm arms cradled me. Jax carried me, carefully dragging my I.V pole along behind us, to the bathroom that was attached to the hospital room they'd assigned me.

I grunted as he lowered me to the toilet. My face was buried into his chest, breathing in his familiar, appealing smell. "Sorry," I whispered.

Jax shook his head. "I told you anything," He reminded me. "I meant it," He laughed. "Nothing I've never seen before." He added with a slight chuckle.

I looked up at him, dropped my jaw. I pulled my underwear up and slapped Jax playfully on his shoulder. "Careful," I warned.

Jax carried my back to my bed and helped me climb underneath the thin sheets. I patted the space next to me, hoping he didn't have to leave. Sure enough he climbed in next to me, wrapping me in his arms again and kissing the top of my head. I pulled away after a moment, "You said you'd do anything?" I asked, my words were sing-songy and light.

"What'd you have in mind?" He smiled, his blue eyes shining.

"Regular clothes," I pulled at the stiff polyester hospital gown and made a disgusted face.

Jax laughed and slipped out his bed "I'll go," He promised. "What'd you want?"

"Anything," I said, then rethought that. "One of your shirts. And your pair of my favorite gray sweats, they should be on my floor."

Jax leaned down and kissed me again, letting his lips linger on mine for a moment. "I'll be right back." He turned to leave then remembered something and looked at me again. "The prospect's in the hall. You'll be okay."

I nodded and let a laugh escape my lips. "Thank you..again," I smiled.

Jax simply nodded and slipped out the door, letting it shut gently behind himself.

I laid back among the pillows, basking in the glow what had just happened. Jax had said yes. He was coming with me. In five weeks the two of us would be on a plane to Massachusetts with all our belongings, leaving behind the small town we'd grown up in. Leaving behind Gemma and my drunken father. I let myself smile, forgetting for a moment that these plans would be squashed once Gemma got wind of them.

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><p><strong>I hope you loved the chapter! I have many more ideas I can't wait to share! Leave reviews and let me know what you think! I also think that I may use Jax's point of view more often, it was fun!<strong>


	7. Her Opinion Matters

My stomach was in knots and there was a cold sweat breaking out on the back of my neck. I squeezed my hand into a fist, digging my fingernails into my skin, leaving little crescent shapes on my palm. I was sitting at the little round table in the center of my kitchen, Gemma was opposite me, her eyes narrowed at my stomach, like she thought we called her hear to tell her I was knocked up. Jax was next to me, tapping his fingers against the table. It was a steady thrum-thrum-thrum, that I paced my breathing with.

There was a long silence, Gemma stared, Jax worked up the courage to break the news, and I sat there a third party, waiting for Gemma to reach acorss the table and strangle me or pull out a gun and shoot me. The only sounds were Jax's fingers and the constant dripping of the loose faucet behind us.

"Mom," Jax finally said, interrupting the silence. He met Gemma's gaze and held it for a minute, before continuing. "I'm going to Harvard with Tara at the end of the month."

Gemma's eyebrows shot up to meet her hairline. She shook her head. "No, you're not."

My stomach did somersaults and my eyes bounced back and forth between both of them so quickly, it was like watching a tennis match. Jax clenched his jaw. "I'm nineteen. You don't get to say no."

Gemma clawed at her chest, her breath slowed and became labored. I jumped a little in my seat, knocking my cast on the leg of the table. Jax only grabbed my forearm and shook his head slowly, a silent plea for me to stay seated.

When she calmed down and her breathing was normal again, she looked at me. "You did this," She sneered. "You corrupted him!" Her voice echoed off the thin sheetrock walls.

I opened my mouth to say something, but I couldn't form the words. I couldn't lie...because I was the one who'd put the idea in Jax's head, she was right.

"This isn't Tara's fault," Jax said, before I could speak. "I want to go."

Gemma slapped the table out of frustration. "You can't leave Charming," She warned. "You're going to leave SAMCRO. This family..." Her voice trailed off, letting Jax feel guilty.

His brows pulled together and he pounded a fist into the table, it made an earsplitting crack. "I need to be with Tara," He said, letting himself look at me for a second, before turning back to his mother. "I need to protect her," His eyes landed on my silver crutches that were leaning against the floral couch in my father's living room. "I can't let something like this happen again."

I tightened my grip on Jax's hand, letting him know that I didn't blame him for what happened with Weston.

"You're going to move halfway across the country!" Gemma screamed, like the idea was absurd and completely unrealistic. When she spoke again her voice was softer. "Clay only has about ten years left. Then he'll have to step down," She stared at the table, studying it's individual grains. "You're a Teller," Her eyes landed on Jax. "The gavel will be yours when he leaves," She shook her head, incredulously. "You can't walk away from that."

I sucked in a deep breath, letting the air slip by my teeth, building up the courage to speak. "Maybe this will be a good thing. He can get a job as a mechanic up there, we'll live in my dorm the first year, then look for our own apartment. Maybe some distance from the club will be good for Jax," I stared at Gemma's hands on the table, refusing to meet her gaze.

She scoffed. "His father made this club," She said through clenched teeth. "He was meant to be in this club from the time he was conceived," She shook her head, letting her long, dark hair fall in her face. "This will not be good for him," She cocked her head to the side and offered a sinister smirk. "This will destroy the club."

Jax squeezed my hand. "I'm going, mom. You can't make this decision for me."

Gemma pushed away from the table and stood up. Her eyes danced from Jax's to mine, then back again. "I can't," She agreed. "But my opinion holds a lot of weight...doesn't it?" She raised one, carefully plucked eyebrow.

All three of us knew the answer, but I was the only one who didn't want to confirm it. I stared at Jax, my eyes bore a hole in the side of his head. He refused to meet my gaze as he slowly nodded.

A smile spread across Gemma's face, this was exactly the answer she wanted to hear. She hitched her pocketbook up around her shoulder and turned on the heel of her leather boot. I watched her leave, slamming the door shut behind her.

Jax and I sat in silence, staring at the door. My mind raced. Did that mean Jax wasn't coming? I wasn't sure if I could handle that. I turned to him, looking into those beautifully familiar blue eyes.

"I'm going," Jax promised, taking both my hands in his.

I nodded. "I think this will be good for you," I repeated and I meant it. Jax had told me things with him and Clay weren't going so well, maybe leaving the club would change that, give them each some perspective.

Jax pulled my hands to lips and kissed my knuckles. "I love you."

I cupped his cheek with one of my hands, feeling the stubble against my skin. "I love you, too."

He turned his head, kissing the heel of my palm. "I am going," He promised again. "I'm not going to watch you walk away from me."

"I know," I said, softly and I knew he was telling the truth.

* * *

><p><strong> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! I have so much more coming, so leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	8. She's Left Me No Choice

Clothes were strewn across my bedroom. Freshly bought sheets and blankets were still in their plastic covers in the corner. Some of my favorite books and pictures were sitting in a cardboard box. A new winter wardrobe complete with coats, snow boots, gloves, and hats were thrown across the dresser. I stood over an open suitcase, folding clothes and carefully placing them inside. Jax and I left for Massachusetts in two weeks. The one way plane tickets were booked. He had even arranged to have his motorcycle shipped to a storage unit near campus. The front door squeaked open and slammed shut. I hadn't heard Jax's motorcycle pull up. My brows pulled together with confusion.

"Jax?" I called out.

There was no answer, just that steady dripping of the kitchen sink. My heart raced in my chest and Weston's voice echoed in my ear, remembering the last time someone came in my house when I was home alone. I reached for the gun that Jax had planted in my nightstand for protection. I wrapped my fingers around the cold metal, placing one finger on the trigger. Squaring my shoulders, I pointed the gun at the doorway to my bedroom. My palms were sweaty against the gun and the hair on the back of my neck was standing. A hundred memories flooded my mind. The hard floor of the painter's van. The disgusting, roughness of Weston's hand, his hot, coffee breath against my ear.

"Did I make you nervous?" Gemma asked, raising one eyebrow and nodding her head toward the gun.

"I'm still jumpy...," I slipped the gun back into my nightstand. "From the last time."

Gemma nodded, stepping into my bedroom. She surveyed the mess, her eyes landing on the suitcase open on my bed. I turned back to the stack of clothes I was folding. I had a feeling Gemma was here about Jax leaving.

"He's not going," She said simply, confirming my suspicions.

"That's not your decision," I answered, not bothering to face her. This was the same song and dance Jax and I had been performing since the day we told her he was leaving with me.

"It's not yours either," She shot back, clearing a spot on the edge of my bed and sitting down. "Jax is a Teller," Gemma reminded me. "When he was born his father knew that one day he'd take the gavel." She spread her hands on the denim that covered her thin thighs and looked up at me. "Jax can't become president if he's on the other side of the country."

I threw the shirt I was folding into the suitcase and crossed my arms over my chest. "I know you don't like me," I said. "But whether you like it or not Jax is getting on a plane with me in two weeks and we're leaving California."

Gemma's eyes filled with rage, her cheeks turned a bright red. She hopped off the bed and grabbed me by the throat, her hand cutting into my windpipe. "No, he's not," She growled, her face inches from mine. "Because you're going to talk to him, tell him this is a bad idea. Ask him, beg him, injure him," She shook her head. "I don't care. You just make sure that when the plane leaves in two weeks...you're the only one on it."

There was a long, pregnant pause. The only noises were grunts and groans as I tried to force air past my crushed windpipe. Gemma squeezed harder, completely cutting off my air supply. "You understand?"

I nodded slowly, I could feel my face turning purple. She shoved my head back, making me fall into my dresser, then let me go. A rush of air filled my lungs so quickly, it hurt. I bent over, letting myself catch my breath.

Gemma brought her lips to my ear. "If Jax gets on that plane, I will personally fly to Massachusetts and put a bullet through that smart little head of yours."

I nodded again, not trusting my voice to speak. Gemma hiked her pocketbook higher on her arm, tugged her leather jacket tighter around her chest and started to walk out. She turned to me when she got to the doorway. "And if you let him know about this visit, I'll kill you whether he stays in Charming or not."

So, it was too good to be true. Jax wasn't going to come to Massachusetts with me. This whole time I had an aching feeling that I would be flying alone at the end of August. I guess it was with good reason. I felt a pang in my heart as I dialed Jax's number, working through a speech in my head. One that would probably leaving us both hurting.

* * *

><p><strong>I really hope that you like the chapter! I love writing this story and I can't wait for you to read what I have planned! Leave reviews and let me know what you think! I know this chapter is short! The next few might be a little short, but I promise they'll get longer as the story goes one! <strong>


	9. It Should Be Different

I dropped my last suitcase on the floor. It landed with a thud against the soft carpet. There were five black, canvas suitcases stacked in a neat pile in the corner, filled with the material things of my life. Things that didn't really matter, because the thing that mattered most in my life wasn't materialistic. It was Jax. I looked around my vacant room, at the things I was going to leave behind. I felt a tear roll down my cheek as I took in the empty bookcases and uncluttered vanity. I knew Jax was on his way, that his mother's Cadillac would be filled with his own suitcases, packed to the brim with SAMCRO t-shirts and baggy jeans. I also knew that there was something I had to tell him. Something my life depended on, but it was the same something that broke my heart.

I sat down at my vanity and stared at myself in the mirror. I angled my head all different ways, studying the vibrant purple and blue bruises on my neck. I wrapped my hand around my neck, lining my fingers up with the long thin bruises. Jax couldn't see these, he'd ask too many questions. I opened the drawer of my vanity and found the make-up I didn't use anymore tucked neatly away. I pulled out liquid foundation, the top crusted with dried make-up, a long, puffy blush brush, and a lighter powder foundation. I did my best to cover the bruises, but keep the foundation unnoticeable. When I was finished you could barely see the purple and blue marks o n my skin, they were just little shadows beneath the heavy make-up.

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><p>I was laying on my bed when I heard the tires roll onto the driveway. My heartbeat echoed in my ears and my stomach tied itself in a knot. A lump rose in my throat, threatening tears. I swallowed and listened to Jax's footsteps as he made his way to my room. I clamped my eyes shut, when I heard him outside my door.<p>

The bed sank under Jax's weight, but I kept my eyes shut. Jax wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me into his chest, molding his body to mine. His body fit mine like a glove. I savored the warmth of his skin against mine. His lips traced along my jawline. I arched into him, loving the sweetness of his lips against my skin. "I missed you," He mumbled into the hollow at my neck. His warm breath tickled my skin.

I opened my eyes and turned in his arms to face him. "It's only been two days," I reminded him, although I had missed him, too.

"It was too long," He joked. "Good thing we're leaving together, I would die without you."

My heart split in half at those words. I squeezed my eyes shut, stopping the tears and buried my face in his chest, memorizing the scent of his skin and the feel of the worn leather cut on his shoulders.

I took a deep breath, an effort to calm myself. This felt a lot like those moments before you ripped off a band-aid, you knew it was going to hurt, but the faster you ripped it the less pain you felt. "We need to talk," I said into Jax's chest, afraid that if I looked at his face, into those hypnotizing blue eyes, I would lose the nerve to do this.

Jax pulled away and walked toward the pile of suitcases. "We can do it after I pack the car. We have to leave early tomorrow," He picked up the suitcase on top of the pile and started toward the door.

I jumped off the bed and stood in the doorway to my room. When Jax tried to pass I grabbed his cut in my fists and shook my head. "We need to do this now."

Jax dropped the suitcase onto the carpet and cocked his head to the side. "What's wrong, Tara?"

I sighed and grabbed his hand, twining my fingers with his and leading him back to my bed. When he was seated I grabbed hold of both hands and stared at him with sadness heavy in my heart. "You have family here. The club," I started, sucking in a huge breath. "Maybe we didn't think this through."

Jax shook his head, making his long blond hair flop in his face. "No Tara," He breathed. "Don't do this. We both know that this is the right choice, the only one I can live with."

I squeezed his hands. "Jax if I walk away no one will notice, but if you do...the club, Gemma. They'll all be broken. When Clay steps down you won't get the gavel if you're on the other side of the country." My heart felt like lead in my chest as I continued. "We don't know where I'm going to end up after college, what medical school is going to accept me, what residency programs I'll get into." I shook my head, trying to hide the tears rolling down my cheeks. "I can't keep you from Charming for that long."

J ax looked at me, the sadness in his eyes was obvious. "I don't care, Tara. I love you and I want to be with you, no matter how long it takes for you to become a doctor."

"You might not care, but I do. I can't keep you away from your family that long," I kissed his rough knuckles and let my head lean against his hands. "Tomorrow just drive me to the airport, then come back here and be with Gemma and SAMCRO. I'll miss you, but I can't keep you from your family. I can't make you choose." But Gemma can, I added in my head. I kept my eyes low, not wanting him to see that tears were coming at a steady pace, staining my cheeks. I wiped them quickly, before they threatened to reveal the bruises on my neck.

"Come on, Tara," His eyes were squinted, probably holding back his own tears. "Just don't do this. We already made our decision."

I looked at him and forced a smile. "But it wasn't the right one," I sighed and stood up, kissing the top of his head. "Don't fight me on this. Just listen. It's what's best for you." My heart was completely broken, both halves were sitting in the pit of my stomach.

Jax pulled me closer, following my rule by keeping quiet and not fighting my request. I let him hold me while I sobbed. Sometime around 3 AM, the tears had slowed enough for sleep, so I closed my eyes, trying to memorize the way it felt to fall asleep in Jax's strong arms.

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><p><strong> I know, I know, you all hate me. I'm sorry! There were a lot of requests for Jax to leave with her, for them to stay together, but that would've been to easy and boring. Jax and Tara's whole relationship has been a struggle, why should this be any different? Keep reading, I promise that it will get better. There's a huge surprise coming, one that I think everyone will love. Leave reviews and let me know what you think! I hope you enjoyed this chapter!<strong>!


	10. The Hardest Goodbye

Jax stared at me with his beautiful blue eyes, my carry-on duffel bag was hanging from his shoulder. I bit my lip and stared at my hands that were flat on his chest. I could feel his slow, steady heartbeat through his thin t-shirt. I met his gaze again, biting back tears.

"I can come," He said, tilting his head forward.

My heart screamed, 'Yes! Come!' But my head reminded me of Gemma's visit and the way her hand crushed my trachea. I shuddered at the memory. My thoughts also reminded me how if Jax came with me it was going to tear him away from his family, from the club he grew up in. I shook my head. "No, you can't."

Jax leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine. "I'll come visit," He promised, mumbling the words against my mouth.

I smiled, unsure if Gemma would allow that. "You better, Teller," I joked half-heartedly. I pulled away, but still keeping our bodies pressed together.

Jax laughed for a moment, then shook his head. "This is crazy," He whispered, cupping my face with one hand. He gently stroked my cheek with his thumb. "I'm going to miss you."

I nodded weakly. "Me too."

"I love you, Tara. I've loved you since the day I met you," He leaned down and kissed my forehead, letting his lips linger against my skin.

My eyes closed and in that moment, I felt my heart slowly leaving my body, because since I was sixteen my heart hadn't been my own, it belonged to Jax and now I was leaving it with him in Charming, while I ran off to become a doctor. "I love you, too, Jax. More than anything."

"Flight 1502 now boarding," A robotic voice said over the intercom.

The lump rose in my throat again and I tightened my grip on Jax. Why did I think I was strong enough to do this? I leaned up and kissed him again, with passion, forgetting that we were standing in the middle of a public place, surrounded by spectators.

Jax pulled away and pushed my hair back from my face. "Take care of yourself and call me if you need anything."

"I'll call you when I land," I promised and leaned up to kiss him one last time.

The pain in my chest threatened to knock my knees out from under me, to stop the air from entering my lungs. I let a tear roll down my cheek, to tired to hold it in. Jax swiped it away with his thumb, then slid my bag over his shoulder and handed it to me.

I turned on my heel and walked away, letting the tears come faster now, not bothering to wipe them away. My heart ached and my throat burned from holding back tears for so long. I handed an eager flight attendant my ticket and turned back to find Jax still in the same spot I'd left him, staring at me, like this was the last time he'd see me. I offered him a half-hearted wave, then made my way toward the entrance to the plane.

I held back nothing when I got to my seat. I let the sobs rock through my body and the tears roll, uninterrupted down my face. The little elderly lady next to me was petite with a shock of wild white hair. She looked terrified as my body twitched and I sniffled noisily. She offered me a tissue more than once, but I kindly refused. I could only focus on Jax, trying desperately to recreate his touch, to imagine his lips on mine, but all I could see was the broken expression on his face as I boarded the plane. Which only made me sob harder, because I was the cause of his pain.

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><p><strong>I know you all hate me, because Tara is leaving without Jax. I'm sorry! I have most of this fic written out and this is just the way I planned it! I hope you'll still read it, because I think you'll really enjoy the next two chapters! I know I keep saying that, but something good is going to happen! Promise! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	11. Heartbreak Leaves You Broken

**Jax's P.O.V:**

The garage was busy. People were in and out of the office, cars were all waiting in the lot, and antsy customers were shouting their orders. Clay had taken Tig, Happy, Juice and Bobby with him to run guns up the coast. Only Chibs, Opie, Piney, and I were here to handle Teller-Morrow. I opened the hood of a gold Honda Accord, I stared at the cold, hard metal parts of the car, trying to focus, but I couldn't. Tara's smiling face clouded my head. The slow rock ballad drifting from the crappy speakers made me think of Tara's laugh and the gentle way she called me baby. I slapped the car, the sound echoed throughout the small garage. I missed her so much it hurt. I kept thinking about those last moments in the airport, feeling her in my arms, the flowery scent of her shampoo... Tears welled up in my eyes and a lump rose in my throat. I'd been crying everyday since she left. I know I'm supposed to be a man and men don't cry, but that rule only applies to men that have never had their heart broken, because if they truly loved somebody and they lost that person, they would cry everyday.

"Chibs," I called waving him over. "Take over. I need to take a dump."

Chibs muttered something under his breath about depression, but I ignored the remark. The guys had been distant since Tara left, probably because I was miserable to be around. I took off toward the clubhouse and locked myself inside the bathroom. The smell of bleach tickled my nose. The tears came quickly, running down my face and leaving a trail on my neck. I could hardly catch my breath, the sobs were shaking my whole body. I thought of Tara. Was she happy? Did she want to leave? Did she love me? Because if she did she wouldn't have let me stay. I shook my head and sucked in a deep breath, letting myself sink to the floor.

There was a light rap on the door. I ignored it at first, but someone jiggled the knob. I looked up at the door and did my best to steady my voice. "I'm in here," I called out.

"I know," Gemma replied. "Let me in."

"Mom, not now," I groaned.

She jiggled the knob again. "I'm not going anywhere."

I sighed and stood up, opening the door. Gemma was standing on the other side her hands on her denim covered hips. She looked at me and reached up to wipe a tear from my face.

"I miss her," I blurted before Gemma could ask what was wrong.

Gemma clucked her tongue and pulled me into a hug. "I know, honey," She said soothingly.

I did my best to stop the tears. I didn't want my mom to think I was a baby. We stayed like that for a minute, then I pulled away. "I don't know why I'm doing this. She doesn't want me anymore."

"Oh. Yes, she does," Gemma encouraged, she started straightening the collar of my blue work uniform.

"Really?" I shot back, challenging her.

"Yes," Gemma looked down and took a deep breath. "I told her to make you stay. Threatened her."

My jaw dropped. For a minute I wasn't sure how to react. I shook my head slowly, feeling the anger rising. "Shit, ma," I huffed. "You couldn't let me have this one."

My mother stuttered incoherently for a moment then stared at something over my shoulder. "You weren't thinking clearly. I needed to make this decision for you."

Gemma really would do anything for herself. It struck me finally, that she really was selfish. "I was thinking perfectly fine," I snarled. "I just wasn't thinking the way you wanted." I pushed past her and out into the apartment. Then turned and stared at her again. "I should've known you were behind this. Tara couldn't have decided to leave me here on her own." I laughed, humorlessly. "You just couldn't let me get out of here, could you?"

She looked at me, her eyes widening. She attempted to say something, but I turned around, leaving her alone in the bathroom. My mother was ruthless, but this was low. Did she not want her own son to be happy now? I ripped off my work uniform and traded it for my cut. I knew I shouldn't leave before my shift ended, but I was to angry to care. I hopped on my Harley, the engine roared to life. I took off, not sure where I was going, but knowing that anywhere, where my mother wasn't was good.

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><p><strong>Tara's P.O.V:<strong>

I was not a math person. Going to Calculus class was equivalent to pulling teeth. Especially, because the professor, Professor Stanley had a slow, monotone voice that could put you to sleep. To maintain a high Calculus average it took endless amounts of studying. I had to pour over equations I didn't understand and write and rewrite problems. My grade was slipping. I knew that. Jax was on the other side of the country and it was driving me insane. I couldn't focus on my schoolwork for long periods of time, before Jax swam into my thoughts and my mind ran off with unanswered questions about where he was or what he was doing. I sat in my calculus class with my books open on the desk in front of me. I stared at the equations trying to make sense of them. I absentmindedly tapped my pencil against the desk, letting my mind wonder to Jax with his long blonde hair and perfect blue eyes.

I looked up and noticed that everyone was leaving. The students around me were chatting quietly and putting away their books. They shuffled out of the room, leaving me alone with Professor Stanley as I quickly slipped my books and calculator into my black leather satchel.

"Ms. Knowles?" Professor Stanley's familiar, deep voice said from behind his podium in the front of the room.

I looked up in lieu of stuffing my textbook into my bag. I widened my eyes and stopped what I was doing. "Professor Stanley?" I asked.

He was a tall, lean man, must've been close to six and a half feet, with a shock of white hair on the top of his head. His face was a map of lines and wrinkles, although he couldn't have been much older than fifty. I had never seen him without a black suit and black tie. He walked over to his desk and plopped down in the rolling, cushioned chair. "Come here," He said, motioning toward me.

I left my books and bag on the table and headed toward his desk. He steepled his hands under his chin and stared at me with disappointed green eyes. I sighed and stopped in front of his desk.

"Well," He sighed. "I'm sure you're aware, Ms. Knowles, that your grade in my class isn't exactly up to par with the rest of the class." Professor Stanley looked down at his desk. "I can't do much for you, Tara, other than warn you that you are in danger of failing this class."

I nodded, slowly. this wasn't news to me. "There's nothing I can do?"

He shook his head. "I'm sure there's good tutoring programs out there. Maybe you'd like to enroll in one." He paused for a moment and straightened some things on his desk. "Unless..." The Professor looked up at me over the wired rim of his bifocals.

"What?" I asked, suddenly hopeful.

"Oh, never mind," He replied, shaking his head.

"Professor Stanley, I am willing to do anything to help my grade," I said, not realizing what anything might imply.

"You're a beautiful, beautiful girl, Tara. Don't ever offer yourself up like that," He purred. His demeanor seemed to change from professional to sexual in a few seconds.

My eyes widened and my eyebrows shot up to meet my hairline. I felt a cold sweat break out on the back of my neck. What was he doing?

Professor Stanley smiled seductively. "Tara, I don't mean to scare you, but I think I have just the thing to bring your grade up," He stood up and walked around the desk, taking a spot leaning against the hard, oak desk next to me.

I took a small step away from him, feeling my heart pound in my chest. I wanted to run for the door. I wasn't even worried about my books. I was just worried about getting out of the room. Away from this man.

He reached up and pushed a loose piece of my dark hair behind my ear, letting his hand linger against my face for a moment. I felt disgusting. I wanted to slap his hand away, but I was afraid. He did partially control my future...I gulped involuntarily and shifted my weight uncomfortably.

"Don't be so shy," He purred again, dropping his hand and closing the small distance between us. He leaned down to kiss me, but I moved away.

"I don't think this is right Professor Stanley," I said, leaning away from him.

He narrowed his green eyes and shook his head. "Do you want to pass this class?" He growled.

"I do," I breathed, dropping my gaze to the carpeted floor. "But I can't do it like this."

"Then go," Professor Stanley snarled. "Don't expect to become a doctor if you walk out that door, though."

I turned on my heel, taking my chances and ran out the door, only stopping to grab my things. I didn't look back at Professor Stanley on my way out, to afraid of what I'd find.

My next calculus class, my hands were shaking. I didn't want to face Professor Stanley. I sat in the back of the class and only half listened to the lesson. My eyes were trained on the desk, because I was afraid that id I looked up I would meet the Professor's eyes. I jotted down notes, knowing that this was just another factor that would cause me to fail this course.

When the class ended I collected my things quickly, darting out of there before the professor had time to call me back for another 'meeting' . I shook the whole way home, both thankful I was out of there and afraid that Professor Stanley was going to destroy my future.

On my bed inside my dorm room there was a pile of mail. Aubrey, my roommate must've gotten it from the mailroom. There was an offer for medical courses over the summer, a letter from Jax, and a letter from the office of Professor R. Stanley. I tore open the last envelope and unfolded the thick, fancy paper. My hands started shaking again and my heart thumped wildly in my chest.

'Dear Tara Knowles,

I am writing this letter in regard to the meeting we had after a previous class. I would like to inform you that the offer still stands. If you are willing to increase your G.P.A and your chances of getting into a top notch Medical School, then I am more than willing to help you out. Just consider my offer and get back to me.

Sincerely,

Professor R. Stanley

P.S. You're an incredibly talented, beautiful girl. I'd hate to see your intelligence wasted, because you're being prude. The last girl that turned me down...well, I managed to force her to be with me.'

I reread the last sentence over and over again, shocked by the professor's lack of professionalism. Was he threatening to rape me? My breath caught in my throat. I plopped down on my little bed, defeated. I stared at the unopened envelope from Jax. Should I tell him?

I turned my phone over and over again in my hand, trying to decide whether or not to ask Jax for help. I threw the phone onto the carpet and watched it bounce before landing with a thud. I couldn't tell Jax, because he would get on a plane and come here. As much as I wanted that, I couldn't bother him with my problems. I just couldn't tear him away from his family. From Gemma...

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><p><strong> I rewrote this chapter about ten times. Even as I publish it, I'm still not happy with it, but it needed to be written. I just needed to write and publish this chapter, because it is part of the foundation for this fic. It will help open a lot of doors for telling the story I have planned. I think the next chapter will really be what everyone is looking for! Look for chapter 12! Meanwhile leave reviews on this chapter and tell me what you think!<strong>


	12. Finding Happiness

Professor Stanley sat in the front of my calculus class. He was droning on and on about something, but I couldn't focus. I was to busy trying to avoid his gaze and thinking about Jax. The professor had been adamant about raising my grade, but only if I slept with him. I had refused, but he was still persistent. After every calculus class he would ask me to stay, trying to force himself on me.

I had chosen not to tell Jax, because I knew how he would react and I didn't want to be the reason for his anger. My mind couldn't handle the emotional strain of knowing that Jax killed someone, because of me. Even thinking of the threatening words he would use on Professor Stanley made me shudder.

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><p>My dorm room door was jammed. I slammed my body against it a few times. Then knocked repeatedly, hoping Aubrey hadn't gone to the cafeteria for dinner. It took a few minutes, then the knob turned and Aubrey opened the door. She stood in the doorway, blocking my view of the room.<p>

"Come on, let me in, I'm freezing," I begged, hopping from one foot to the other.

Aubrey smiled and stepped back, revealing the room. My jaw dropped and my heart raced. I wanted to cry and laugh at the same time. My mind told me to run, but my feet cemented me in place, too shocked to move. I stood still in the dorm building's hallway for a few minutes collecting myself. Finally, my feet weren't numb anymore. I took off at full speed into the room and flung myself into Jax's open arms, wrapping my legs around his waist as he picked me up. I breathed in his familiar scent and buried my face in his hair. I waited for someone to pinch me, for me to wake up in the darkness of my dorm room, but it didn't happen...I stayed wrapped in Jax's arms. I planted a kiss on his lips and hugged him again, feeling the warmth of his body against mine. It felt unreal that he was here. Tears of joy rolled down my cheeks as Jax placed me back on the floor.

"Aw, don't cry, darlin'," He cupped my face in his hands and wiped a stray tear away with his thumb.

"I just- I can't believe it," I stuttered. "How long are you staying for?"

He laughed, "I was hoping until you graduate."

I felt a smile spread across my face. It was all to good to be true. Then Gemma crept into my mind. Her threatening words echoed in my ear. Was she going to fly out here now?

Jax must've seen my worried expression, because he shook his head, anger building in his eyes. Ah, those beautiful blue eyes. I missed them. "Gemma told me everything," He shook his head. "You should've told me."

I nodded. "I know. It was stupid," I laughed, nervously. "I was just scared." I took two fistfuls of Jax's cut and pulled him closer to me. "I was a mess these past few weeks."

Jax pulled me into his chest and kissed the top of my head. "I won't let anything happen to us, again," He promised. "I missed you, so much."

I pressed my cheek to his cut and felt the hair stand up on my spine as he rubbed small circles on my back. I couldn't imagine a better feeling. I was still waiting for someone to wake me up. I clung to Jax, like he was going to disappear if I didn't hold on tight enough. "I love you, baby," I whispered.

Jax smoothed down my hair and nodded. "I love you, too, babe."

I helped Jax unpack, rearranging my clothes, so that he got half my drawers. We kept looking at each other, wearing these big smiles on our faces, like this was the best thing that could've happened to us. And it was. Every once and a while Professor Stanley's face would swim into the back of my mind, but I'd fight off the thoughts and memories, seeing only Jax standing in front of me.

A little after eleven, when Jax, Aubrey, and I had finished eating chinese take-out and an old 'Jersey Shore' rerun had finished playing, Aubrey excused herself mumbling something about sex on her way out.

I laughed and watched her leave from my spot in Jax's arms on my bed. I turned in his arms and kissed his jaw, feeling his stubble against my lips. Jax looked down and smirked at me. That perfect smirk he had. I reached over and locked the door. "I think we should listen to Aubrey."

Jax laughed and kissed me, holding my face between his hands. He laid me down on the small bed and slipped my long-sleeved thermal over my head. His hands worked up and down my sides, while his tongue traced my bottom lip. I slipped his cut off his shoulders and worked on the buckle of his belt. Jax expertly pulled my jeans over my hips. He kissed the length of my neck. I arched my head back and savored the feeling of his lips against my skin. God, I had missed him.

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><p>I woke up the next morning wearing Jax's plain white t-shirt and his plaid boxers. His arms were wrapped around my waist and his body was aligned with mine. I turned around in his arms and kissed his bare shoulder. This felt so surreal. It was Friday, my day off and I couldn't have been happier.<p>

"Want to go pick up breakfast?" I bit my lip, tracing his strong shoulders.

Jax nodded. "I'm starving."

I giggled and slipped out of bed. I opened the dresser drawers and threw a new pair of boxers, jeans, and a SAMCRO t-shirt at Jax. I took a plaid shirt and tank top, a pair of jeans, fresh panties, and a bra for myself.

We dressed quickly and left the room, not bothering to clean up the mess of clothes and sheets tangled in a pile on the floor. Aubrey would probably flip, but I'd deal with her later. I walked through the now familiar campus, but this time my hand was encased in Jax's. I leaned into his shoulder, still not sure if I was going to wake up from this dream soon.

"I love you," I whispered.

Jax wrapped his arms around my shoulder and squeezed me tight. "I love you, too, darln'."

We passed Professor Stanley on our way to a cafe off campus. He was getting out of his car, wearing his usual black suit and carrying a worn leather briefcase. Our eyes met and I dropped his gaze quickly, staring down at the green grass beneath my leather boots. I could still feel his eyes on mine, but I refused to meet his stare. I looked up at Jax, the words on the tip of my tongue. 'He wants to have sex with me...He's threatened to rape me...', but I couldn't force the words out. I couldn't destroy this perfect moment. Jax and I were finally together and telling him about Professor Stanley would only end this surreal moment.

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><p><strong>Well, I hope this was a good chapter! I was so happy to finally write their reunion! This was by far my favorite chapter to write! Leave reviews and let me know what you think! Keep looking for more chapters!<strong>


	13. Rescue Me

Jax found a job at a small mechanic's garage in Boston, called Harry's Garage. Opie had shipped his bike over here, so he rode that to work everyday. It was only about ten minutes away without traffic. The garage owner was a small, elderly man with salt and pepper hair. Harold, was his name. He was always bubbly and inviting. He often let me sit in the office and work the phones on my days off. It gave me a few extra dollars. Harold loved Jax and I, sometimes he would invite us over for dinner, but I would insist on cooking, I felt bad. He lived alone in a small apartment, I thought that maybe he deserved a break from cooking dinner.

Jax and I were usually at Harold's apartment or Harry's Garage, hanging out with Aubrey, or spending every extra second of our free time together. It still felt unreal that he was here. Sometimes, I feared that I would wake up in the middle of the night and the bed would be empty. It was a against the rules for Jax to live in the dormitory, because he wasn't a student and this was an all girls building. Aubrey and I worked to keep it our little secret. We had our stories straight and we continually fed the R.A the right lies. I wasn't worried, because Jax was here and that's all that mattered.

The only thing going wrong in my life now was Professor Stanley. He was still insisting that I sleep with him if I wanted to pass calculus. I always denied him, but the threats were coming more and more, the words were harsher. He had tried to pin me down on his desk more than once. I still kept it a secret from Jax. I was sure, that a respected professor would not cross the line, especially if he valued his career.

I was sitting cross-legged on mine and Jax's bed with an anatomy textbook open in my lap. Aubrey had just left for her 9 A.M class and Jax was putting on his gray work uniform. He had to be at the garage by nine.

"I'll see you later," He promised, kissing my forehead. He knew I hated being here alone on my day off, but I had an anatomy exam next week and I had to study.

I shrugged and leaned up to kissed his lips, smiling against his mouth. "I'll be here."

Jax left, leaving me alone. I sighed and turned back to my book at the picture of the skeletal system. The exam was on all the bones, ligaments, tendons, and cartilage in the body. I stared at the page for hours, repeating the bones' names over and over again in my head. Sometime around four o'clock when I was positive that I knew every bone, ligament, tendon, and piece of cartilage in the human body I slammed the book closed and made my way to the mini fridge next to Aubrey's bed. Aubrey probably went out to lunch, then right to her 3:30 class and Jax got off of work now, he was probably heading home.

I pulled out a cold water bottle and plopped back down on my bed, leaning against the pillows. I felt a headache starting, I slowly massaged my temples, enjoying the peacefulness inside the room. The door to the room swung open, banging noisily against the wall. I heard one of Aubrey's picture frames crash to the floor.

I whipped my head around and saw Professor Stanley standing in the doorway. He slammed the door shut. I opened my mouth to scream, but he slapped a hand over it. "Shh," He whispered. "Don't scream." He swung one leg onto the bed, pinning me in place.

I wriggled under his weight, the pressure of his body hurt me. I groaned and tried to push against him. "Stop," I mumbled against his hand.

Professor Stanley slipped a hand under my shirt and shook his head. "I told you what would happen if you didn't comply," He laughed, sinisterly.

I shoved against his arms, trying to remove them from under the thin cotton t-shirt I was wearing, but he was stronger than I was. I shook and thrashed, but this only made him angry.

"Stop it, Tara," He said quietly, reaching over to hold my legs in place. "You want that passing grade don't you?"

I shook my head. "No," I managed, hoping that was the answer that would make him leave.

"I want you to pass though," He smiled, unbuttoning the blue, freshly pressed shirt he was wearing, revealing a flabby, hairy chest.

I looked away and squeezed my eyes shut. "Go, away," I whispered.

His long fingers cupped my chin and pulled my face to his. He gently, pressed his lips to mine. He shook his head when he pulled away. "I warned you," He growled and ripped my shirt over my head, leaving me in a bra and sweat pants.

I struggled to stand up, but he pushed my chest back down to the mattress and punched me square in the jaw. The cracking noise echoed throughout the small dorm room. I whimpered and reached up to cup my face in my hand.

"Bitch, I said that I was going to do this," He snarled. "And I'm going to do this."

I nodded slowly, still nursing my face. Professor Stanley reached up and pushed a piece of hair behind my ear. He stroked my injured jaw, slowly. "I'm so sorry, Ms. Knowles. If you didn't fight me, I wouldn't have had to do it."

"Please," I begged, feeling tears roll down my face. "Just leave. I won't tell anyone if you leave."

He lifted his fist again and drove it into my nose. The same cracking noise followed. I sucked in a huge breath and the tears came faster now. "I'm not stopping," He replied, sharply, spitting on my face.

I went to wipe away his saliva that was dripping down my cheek, but he anchored my hand to my side. "Don't move," He hissed.

He worked on the tie that held my sweatpants up, struggling to undo the knot. I laid flat, afraid that if I moved or spoke he would punch me again. "Dammit," He growled under his breath, but I didn't even flinch. He managed and slipped my pants down around my ankles. This felt like de ja vu, so similar to the Weston situation. I wondered again and again how this had managed to happen to me not once, but twice.

I shook as the sudden cold air against my bare legs. I was cold and his hands felt disgusting as they worked their way up and down my body. I held in the scream that was rising in my throat, but it managed to work it's way out.

Professor Stanley looked up, anger burning in his green eyes. He punched me in the gut, then the mouth again. The blood pooled around my teeth and dripped from the corner of my lips instantly. I whimpered continuously, feeling the pain spreading throughout my abdomen. The noises only brought on more hits. Another to the gut, the kidneys, and one to the mouth again. I did my best to keep the cries inside.

When Professor Stanley was done hitting me he kissed my collar bone, letting his lips linger against my skin. I shook, but kept my mouth shut. The pain was too much to bare, I thought I was going to pass out, but I fought against the impending darkness.

The door opened again, but I kept my head still afraid of another hit. Hope rose in my heart. Help was here. I was saved. The professor's eyes widened, but he didn't move from his spot on top of me.

"Get the hell off of her," Jax's familiar voice growled. He slammed the door shut. I heard the footsteps coming closer.

Professor Stanley shook his head. "What are you gonna do about it, blondie?"

I cringed, he didn't just get smart with Jax...did he? I shook my head, feeling the pain that followed. "Jax..." I whispered, "Help."

The professor turned to me, raising his hand, but in an instant he was off me. Jax had him pinned to the carpeted floor. I looked over the edge of the bed, it took all my strength to prop myself up on my elbow.

Jax bent his head low to the professor's ear. "You don't ask questions," He growled. It was the same voice he used whenever he got angry, one that even scared me, although I'd never been on the other end of it. "You don't hurt her, you don't look at her, you don't even think about her, because if you do, I will put a bullet through your skull."

Professor Stanley laughed and offered a sinister smile. "And who are you?"He raised an eyebrow. "You can't threaten me."

"I just did," Jax snapped through gritted teeth, sending a fist flying into the professors jaw. My own jaw throbbed when the cracking sounded. I reached up and cradled it, feeling the warm, sticky blood under my fingers. Tears and blood mixed together and left a trail down my neck.

"You haven't told me who you are, yet," Professor Stanley persisted, acting as though he wasn't scared.

"Her old man" Jax said, pulling a gun out from under his work shirt. He pressed the cold, metal barrel to the professor's skull and clenched his teeth. "Get the hell out of here."

"It's not my problem your girlfriend is whoring herself for grades," Stanley shot back, obviously not aware of Jax's abilities.

Jax snarled, whipped a knife from the leather holder on his belt and dragged the blade across the professor's neck lightly. "I will kill you if you don't get out. Tell anyone about me and you'll be dead." He slipped off the professor's body and watched the scrawny man struggle to his feet and slip out the door, mumbling promises to never come back.

Jax turned and looked at me concern in his eyes. He pushed the hair back from my face. "Are you okay?" He asked, surveying my injuries.

I nodded slowly ignoring the pain my head. I let my eyes slip to my body, I was still only wearing a bra and underwear. I shook from the cold air in the room.

Jax handed me a wrinkled t-shirt from the floor and helped me into the pair of sweatpants I had been wearing. He reached for the alcohol swabs Aubrey kept to clean her face and started to wipe the blood from my face and clean my cuts. It stung a little, but I didn't say anything.

* * *

><p>Hours later, when Jax had managed to bandage my cuts and ice my nose, he cradled me in his arms and kissed the top of my head. "What happened?" He questioned.<p>

I knew that this was going to happen. We were going to need to talk about it. I looked straight ahead at Aubrey's empty bed. She had texted me before to tell me she was catching dinner and a movie with a hot guy from her U.S history class. I was thankful that she wasn't going to be back anytime soon. I sighed and told Jax the truth. "He's been threatening me for a while now, since before you came. He wrote me letters, cornered me after class, told me that my grade was going to drop if I didn't sleep with him," I bit back the tears that were rising in my throat.

Jax looked horrified. His eyes widened and he shook his head slowly. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"At first I thought that it was a one time thing, then I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. I don't know I didn't want to bother you... I felt like this was my fault."

He pressed me against his chest and shook his head. "This was not your fault. You should've told me," He kissed the top of my head. "I won't let anyone hurt you again," He whispered.

I was only half listening, my eyes slowly drifting shut. I wanted to laugh though. Jax was always saving me. I could always count on him. I loved him so much that it physically hurt sometimes. It was too much emotion for one person, but I wouldn't trade it, because Jax and I were meant to be together, despite the odds.

* * *

><p><strong>I really hope you are enjoying the way this fic is coming along! I just love writing it! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	14. Secrets, Secrets Are No Fun

After Jax had threatened Professor Stanley, he didn't bother me, anymore. My grades rose, because of my hard work and dedication, not because of sexual favors. He stopped keeping me after class and gave up trying to force himself on me when we were alone. Every once and a while I'd catch the professor watching me as I trekked across campus, but I didn't tell Jax, he'd done enough to protect me.

* * *

><p>I made my way across campus, under the vibrant orange and yellow leaves hanging from the trees above. The air was crisp and a chilly breeze blew past every once and a while. My fingers were numb around the strap of my messenger bag and my nose cold. I shivered under the huge bubble coat I was wearing. The first day of winter was only a few days away, as was Thanksgiving. It was my last day of classes before the short Thanksgiving break we were given.<p>

Everything was perfect. Jax and I had been taking long motorcycle rides around Massachusetts on the weekends. My favorite place in the world was on the back of his Harley, my face pressed against his worn leather cut, and my hands tight around his muscular abs. The wind blowing throw my hair and the feeling of freedom that coursed through my veins. On weekdays we usually ate dinner in our room with Aubrey and laughed at the bad reality shows on television these days.

* * *

><p>The three of us were eating chinese take out from the cartons, <em>Jersey Shore<em> was playing on the small Sony television, Aubrey was stretched across her bed with her eyes fixed to the eight orange, big-haired figures on the screen, and I was cradled between Jax's legs, shoveling forkfuls of vegetable lo mien into my mouth. It was a typical Thursday night.

Aubrey finished off her chicken and broccoli, tossing the white card board into the trash can in the corner of our small room. "I'm going out," She announced, stuffing her feet into the gray Ugg boots on the carpet next to her bed. "You two wanna come?" She asked, eyeing the two of us stretched out on my bed.

I shook my head. "No, I'm tired."

Aubrey's eyes landed on Jax. It was funny when she tried to intimidate him. She was a five foot, one hundred pound, blonde, with the most crystal clear blue eyes. I laughed. "You can go if you want Jax," I told him. "You don't need Aubrey to scare you into it."

Jax laughed. "No, I'm gonna stay with you." He squeezed me tighter in his arms.

"I'm just gonna sleep," I warned him, not wanting to ruin his fun.

"I'll stay," He promised.

Aubrey shrugged. "Suit yourself," She mumbled and slipped out the door.

I was tired all the time. It was clear Aubrey and Jax were growing tired of my constant sleeping and laziness, but I couldn't help it, energy was hard to come by lately. Fatigue wasn't my only problem. I was getting sick after I ate breakfast in the morning and my period was five days late...I knew the signs and symptoms. I was just trying to avoid them. No one knew about the sickness and the late period and I was going to keep it that way at least until I knew for sure.

* * *

><p>I woke up the next morning, with no classes and an empty dorm room. There was note from Jax saying he'd left for work and would be home by 12:30 and Aubrey had probably not returned from her party last night. This was perfect. I planned on going to the drug store off campus and getting a pregnancy test for myself.<p>

I'd spent most of last night lying awake, thinking about screaming babies and dirty diapers. I would wake up drenched in sweat, with my heart beating wildly against my rib cage, while I gasped for a breath.

* * *

><p>The air was chilly and smelled of cinnamon and apples, no doubt the result of the huge Thanksgiving pie sale the community service committee was having in the middle of the quad. I trekked across the campus, one leather-clad foot at a time.<p>

You see some people may think that I would be the perfect mother. I mean I practically raised myself from the time I was nine. I'm smart and plan on being a doctor. I'm responsible and punctual. And although some people would like to deny it, everyone knows Jax would never leave me. Sure, those might be motherly qualities, but that didn't make me ready. I was not prepared to wake up in the middle of the night for a crying baby, to give up Harvard, my dreams of becoming a doctor. The thing I was most scared to lose was my relationship with Jax. Could it be the same after we had a child?

The drug store was a small family owned business. The sign outside was a piece of wood covered in white paint, with red letters that read 'Smith's General Store'. Bells jingled overhead when I walked inside, I was instantly hit by the smell of stale cardboard and mothballs. I wrinkled my nose and scanned the small store, until my eyes landed on an aisle carefully stacked with tampons, condoms, and pregnancy tests. I stared at the wall of brightly colored boxes, each claiming to predict pregnancy faster than the next. With a quick glance over my shoulder to make sure nobody was watching I grabbed three from the shelf and made my way to the cash register at the front of the store. I felt as though all eyes were on me, despite the fact that me and the pimply-faced teenaged boy at the register were the only two people in the store. I spilled my merchandise onto the counter, refusing to make eye contact with the boy while he rang up the three items and mumbled the price.

"Do you have a bathroom?" I asked, sliding the plastic bag filled with pregnancy tests off the counter.

The cashier nodded his head toward the back of the store. "Over there. The door gets stuck sometimes, you just have to push on it."

I nodded my thanks and headed toward the back of the store. I stood in front of the door, it was a dark, stained wood with a sign marked restroom nailed to the center. I rested my hand on the knob, but didn't turn it. When I entered that room my life could change forever. Was I ready for that? Could I handle that? Did I even have a choice?

Suddenly, the smell of the small store made me nauseous. I pushed the door open and flung myself inside, slamming it shut behind me. Inside bleach was heavy in the air, which only made me sicker. The bathroom was the size of a small closet. The toilet was small, barely two feet off the ground, like one you'd find in a kindergarten bathroom. I dropped the bag carrying the tests to the hard concrete floor. They landed with a thud. I pulled my jeans and panties down over my hips and plopped down on the cold porcelain toilet.

Minutes later all three white plastic tests were lined up on the lip of the sink. I sat on the toilet cover, pants back in place. I carefully cradled my head in my hands and sucked in slow deep breaths, trying to stop the oncoming panic attack. The room seemed to be spinning, while I waited the seven minutes called for by the boxes. Breathing was hard. My chest felt tight and my vision was blurry. This wasn't happening. This wasn't happening. My thoughts were interrupted by the alarm I'd set on my phone.

"Shit," I mumbled, pulling my hair back from my face and taking one last breath. This was it.

I grabbed one test, praying to see the beautiful blue negative sign. What I saw in it's place was a bubbly, pink plus sign. The small, plastic device nearly slipped through my fingers. This couldn't be right...

But it could. The other two tests both read the same pink plus sign.

I don't know how long I sat in that bathroom, staring at the three tests. I tried over and over again to wake myself up from the nightmare, but nothing worked. No amount of shaking or pinching could make this go away.

Now there was another problem. Adoption? Keep the baby? Abortion...? How was I going to tell Jax? All these options were to much to handle. I threw the tests into the small tin garbage can beside the sink and flew out of the bathroom, then the store, not bothering to look at the young cashier.

* * *

><p>The dorm room was still empty when I got back. Jax wasn't due home for an hour and Aubrey was probably passed out drunk on some fraternity house's kitchen floor. Man, I would do anything to be in her place right now. I plopped myself down on the small twin bed Jax and I shared and let my mind wander. If I kept this baby, I would probably need to drop out of Harvard. Ivy league was the one thing I wanted from the time I could walk, though. How could I give it all up, now that I had it? My mind raced. There was adoption. But could I really carry a baby inside me for nine months and not form some sort of maternal attachment to it? I kept going back to the abortion option. I had enough money saved up that I could go right now, no questions asked and have it done. Jax would never have to know and nothing would change between us. I pictured his perfect blue eyes darkening and his brow pulling together with anger and hurt. If he ever found out that I murdered his unborn child without his permission, I don't think he'd ever forgive me. But there was no other way. I needed to take care of this before it got out of hand.<p>

"Aubrey?" I whispered into the phone, not trusting my voice to speak aloud.

"Tara?" She answered groggily, clearly my kitchen floor theory was spot on.

"I'm pregnant," I blurted.

"What the hell..." Aubrey replied, shocked. I pictured her tiny mouth dropping into an 'o' shape as she propped herself up on an elbow and rubbed her temples.

"I need you to drive me to the abortion clinic in Boston," I told her. "Don't tell Jax. Just come now and meet me at your car."

"Okay," Aubrey breathed and then the line went dead and I was alone in the dorm room again.

I quickly stuffed the stash of cash I had hidden in the bottom of my dresser drawer into my purse and slipped out the door.

* * *

><p>Aubrey pulled up in front of the abortion clinic. She leaned down and looked at the small concrete building. "Are you sure you don't want me to go with you?" She asked.<p>

I shook my head. "No, no. This is something I need to do by myself. " I placed my hand on the door handle and braced myself.

"Okay, well, good luck I guess..." She replied, letting her voice trail off. She was clearly uncomfortable.

I nodded and flung the door open, stepping out into the cold November air. Aubrey pulled away leaving me alone on the curb. I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. You can do this. I told myself over and over again.

* * *

><p>The woman at the front desk was a frumpy forty-something woman with box dyed blonde hair. Her thick cat-eye glasses sat on the tip of her nose. I checked in with her, using Jane Doe as my name. She told me to take a seat and wait for the doctor.<p>

I sat down in one of the royal blue plastic seats that lined the perimeter of the waiting room. The walls were decorated with pro-choice posters. A diagram of the stages of fetus life sat on a table in the middle of the room. I studied each little plastic baby, it's limbs folded carefully against their bodies. Suddenly, the smell of latex gloves and cleaning products was making me sick. The dark wood paneled walls felt like they were closing in on me.

* * *

><p>Inside the procedure room I laid down on the examination table. The sanitary paper, crinkled under my body while I made myself comfortable. I was wearing the blue, papery gown one of the nurses had given me. The fluorescent lights beat down on me, like a harsh light in an interrogation room. I felt like I was being put on the spot and nobody was even questioning me.<p>

"Put your feet in the stirrups," The pretty red-headed nurses instructed.

I nodded, but didn't move my feet, keeping them planted on the crinkly paper covering the table. I couldn't move. I felt paralyzed. The shiny, silver instruments lying on the tray next to me, gave me the chills. I had to squeeze my hands into tight fists to keep my body from shaking with fear.

Maybe something that made me this nervous wasn't right...

The doctor, a tall, balding man walked in, slapping a pair of latex gloves onto his hands. I looked down at my stomach. It seemed to double in size before my eyes. A smiling, happy, blonde haired, blue eyed baby popped into my head. My nostrils filled with the perfect smell of baby and my ears rang with a peeling little laugh. I couldn't breath. My chest felt tight, like an approaching doom was crushing my lungs. Sweat pooled up on my hairline and my knees shook wildly.

"Are you alright, Ms. Doe?" The doctor asked in a monotone voice.

I shook my head, but couldn't find the words. They were lost in my throat. The lights were to harsh and the instruments looked cold and dangerous. "I...I can't do this," I finally replied, slipped off the table and ran from the room.

I flew right through the waiting room, ignoring the stare I received from the receptionist. The rough concrete seemed to cut through the flesh of my bare feet, but I ignored it and ran to the curb, plopping myself down on the side of the parking lot. Tears stung my eyes and made a path down my cheeks. The cold air blew right through the thin gown I was still wearing. I shook wildly and sobbed. The guilt was to much. I felt horrible. How could I actually think killing my baby was a good idea?

I'm not sure how long I sat on the curb, before I dialed Jax's number.

"Tara?" He said frantically into the receiver. "Where are you?"

I paused for a moment. What as I supposed to say? My chest tightened again as I revisited the same guilty feelings. "I'm at an abortion clinic in Boston," I admitted between sobs.

Jax didn't answer. I listened to his heavy breathing, trying to pull myself together, but nothing worked. I was a horrible person. I could not believe I thought killing mine and Jax's baby was a good idea.

"Can you come get me?" I begged, my voice shaking with fear and tears.

There was still another eerie pause before Jax finally replied. "I'm coming," Jax promised. His voice was perfectly calm, not angry or upset.

He hung up. I dropped the phone into my lap and rocked back and forth trying to warm myself. I hoped Jax would yell, get mad at me, because I deserved it. What I did was unforgivable.

Twenty minutes later I heard the roar of Jax's motorcycle from the road. My heart lifted in my chest, then dropped to my stomach again when I remembered that he was probably going to scream. He turned into the parking lot and pulled the bike to a stop in front of me. In one swift motion he was off the bike and sitting next to me on the curb. He shook his head and pulled off the SAMCRO sweatshirt he was wearing under his cut, handing it to me.

I pulled it over my head, grateful for the warmth. We sat in silence for a long time, sitting shoulder to shoulder on the curb.

Suddenly, I was unsure of myself. Completely insecure. I felt awkward sitting next to Jax, both us knew what I had just attempted to do. How were we supposed to come back from this?

"You're not going to yell at me?" I finally asked, breaking through the silence. My voice shook and part of me wished he would start screaming.

Jax shook his head, but kept his eyes trained straight ahead. "You didn't do it. There's nothing to yell about," He answered simply, but refused to meet my eye when I looked at him. His blonde hair fell forward, creating a curtain between the two of us.

I remembered why we were here. My hands flew to my stomach instantly, cradling the unborn baby. My body rocked with sobs and tears streamed down my cheeks. "What are we going to do?" I questioned.

Jax reached over and grabbed my hand, carefully intertwining our fingers. I sighed, slightly relieved. Then waited through the silence again.

"We're gonna figure this out," Jax promised.

Jax was the optimistic one. He always hoped for the best in things, without actually trying to figure them out. I was the logical one. I thought things through so thoroughly that I often second guessed myself.

"It's not that easy, Jax," I said, staring down at an ant inching alone the black pavement in the parking lot. "There's diapers, food, doctors appointments, clothes, bottles, furniture..." I let my voice trail off. I felt like I was blaming Jax for not making enough money, but I needed to get through to him.

"I didn't say it was going to be easy," He chuckled, humorlessly. "But I will figure this out for the two of us."

I shook my head and cracked the slightest smile. Then I looked up into Jax's blue eyes with a sober expression. "I can't let you do that. This is both our responsibilities."

Jax squeezed my hand lightly, then carefully wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "I'll get a second job. We'll start saving more money. We'll get an apartment off campus." He looked at me, his sparkling eyes were filled with hope. "We can do this."

I cracked a smile, letting my lips slide easily over my teeth to hide the fear that was building inside me. "Okay," I nodded. I put on a happy face, because I knew we couldn't do this alone, but Jax believed we could and I was going to let him be happy. At least for a little while longer.

"Come on," Jax said, gently patting my shoulder. "Let's go home."

I slipped off the curb and followed Jax to the familiar leather seat of his bike. I slid onto the seat and carefully wrapped my arms around his waist and gave his strong abs a tight squeeze.

I didn't know what the future held. But I did know that there was a child growing inside the two of us had a huge responsibility to give him or her a good life. Jax believed we could do it, maybe I should, too. Then I thought of someone else who might want to know about this maybe. Someone who could help...if they wanted to. There was no way I could tell Jax, but I would have to...soon.

* * *

><p><strong>This was a huge curveball I threw in there! I hope you enjoy the chapter! It's probably the longest chapter I've written for this fic! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	15. Help From The Enemy

The dorms were eerily silent. Most of the students had gone home for Thanksgiving. Aubrey, Jax, and I were staying through the holidays, because we all had pretty messed up home lives. Aubrey hadn't come home last night. Probably celebrating the holidays at the nearest keg party. Jax was going to be working late to earn some extra cash.

When I was on the verge of sleep the previous night I was woken up by the sound of a baby crying. It made me break out into a cold sweat and had my heart thumping wildly against my rib cage. Then I was alert and I couldn't quiet the thoughts that were slingshotting around in my mind. The costs and time management. Doctors appointments, diaper changing. Jax might believe we could do this, but I don't think he knows what he's in for.

The constant watching. Babies don't stop needing things, because Jax is gone on a run for the club. I cradled my head in my hands and sucked in a deep breath, trying to stop the tears that were threatening to spill over my bottom lids. We couldn't do this. How are we expected to make decisions for this child when we were still children ourselves?

I thought back to the idea I'd briefly entertained in the moments outside the abortion clinic. There was one person strong enough to help us get through this. The only problem was their help wasn't something I wanted. I shook my head vigorously trying to clear the thoughts piling up in it.

Jax and I needed help whether or not he wanted to admit that. I picked up my cell phone, trying to stop the voices in my head that were telling me this was a bad idea and stabbed at the keypad, dialing an all to familiar number.

"Hello?" A chilly voice said into the phone. She was probably shocked and completely outraged that I would call her.

"Gemma?" My voice was an octave higher than usual a result of my nerves being on edge.

"Tara?" Gemma asked, her voice frantic. "Is Jax okay? Where is he?"

I rolled my eyes. She drove Jax away, but now she was worried about him.

"He's fine," I assured her. "He's at work." I thought about hanging up and forgetting I even made the call. Then I remembered the positive pregnancy test and built up the courage to continue. "Jax is alright, but the two of us...we're in trouble." I looked around the room my eyes landing on the SAMCRO sweatshirt thrown lazily on the carpeted floor. Jax couldn't even pick up after himself, how did he expect to take care of a baby?

I shook my head, letting my dark hair fall into my face. I couldn't spend the next nine months searching for evidence that Jax was going to make a bad parent. The real reason I was doing it was because I doubted I could be a good mother. Jax would be a wonderful father. Disciplinary, but still able to have fun. He was that kind of happy medium people dreamed about.

"I'm pregnant," I blurted, realizing that if Jax and I wanted to give this baby a chance Gemma was our only option.

There was a long pregnant pause. Neither of us spoke. I listened hard through the receiver trying to make out low whispers or papers shuffling, but it was silent. I pictured Gemma sliding into a chair at her and Clay's huge dining room table, the site of many club dinners. Her placing a hand to her forehead as she often did when she was let in on a stressful secret. The kind that you're better off not knowing.

"Is it Jax's?" She asked.

Of course that was her first question. Her precious Jax could do no wrong. No, this had to be all me. I bet she was praying it wasn't Jax's just so that he'd run back to her with tears streaming down his face. Me cheating would give him as much of a reason to hate me as Gemma did.

"Of course," I replied, exasperated. "Maybe this was a mistake," I said, preparing myself to hang up.

"Wait!" Gemma called, before I could press the little red 'end' button on the cell phone. "I assume you two need cash. That's why you called right? You were hoping to milk some money out of the club."

I shook my head and scoffed. Leave it to Gemma to assume that I was gold digging. "No," I knew the club had no money. "That's not why I called."

Gemma didn't reply. There was just more pause. When she didn't answer I did.

"I need your help," I murmued, then laughed humorlessly. "I don't know how to raise a baby!" I sucked in a breath, but that did nothing to calm me. "And Jax may think he's ready, but he's not."

"There's something we agree on," Gemma muttered into the phone.

I felt relieved that Gemma and I were on the same page...sort of. I wiped the tears that were spilling down my cheeks.

"I have to keep it! I already tried to abort it and that didn't work. I can't stand the thought of someone else raising my baby..." My voice trailed off, letting the words linger in the air.

Gemma ignored what I said and proposed her own plan. "Come back to Charming," She suggested. "I can help you raise the baby. You can transfer to community college and still get your medical degree."

That was a bomb I was afraid might explode. There was no way I could pack up and leave. Forget my dream of Harvard? How could I give up that easily?

"I-I have to think about that," I murmured. "I don't know if I can leave this behind."

"You don't have a choice," Gemma snapped into the receiver. "This isn't about you anymore. You're raising a child."

"Yeah, well that hasn't stopped you from being selfish in the past." I shot back.

"You get on a plane and bring my son back here or you figure out a way to raise that baby of yours all on your own." She replied in her usual threatening tone. I immediately thought back to those moments in my room before I left with Gemma's hands constricting around my neck, her threats ringing in my ears.

The line went dead and I was alone in the dorm room again. Gemma's icy voice no longer tainted the small space. That didn't mean it wasn't echoing in my thoughts. I heard her propositions replaying in my mind and couldn't help, but consider them.


	16. Past the Fury

The hallway from the dorms' shared bathroom to mine and Aubrey's room made me feel claustrophobic. The hundreds of doors lining the walls felt like they were closing in on me. My throat was thick and narrowing by the second. I carefully sucked in deep breaths in an effort to calm myself. The conversation Gemma and I had the previous day had been running through my mind since we hung up. I'd decided somewhere around four a.m while I was lying awake in Jax's arms that I was going to pack my bags and go back to Charming. The idea of Jax and I raising a child was preposterous. This baby deserved a better life and I could only provide one if I had Gemma's help.

My only obstacle now was Jax. He had left Charming on bad terms. Gemma had been furious that he'd chosen me over her and he had been mad that she threatened me. I wasn't sure if I could convince him that this was what's best for our growing family. When Jax was angry it was hard to reason with him and I could only imagine the feelings that mentioning Gemma's name would conjure. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea... I shook my head defiantly. I'd made my decision. Now I just needed to go in there and tell Jax about my choice and about the short phone call I'd put into his mom yesterday.

I tentatively swung open the door and peeked inside. Jax was sitting cross legged on the plush carpet. He was surrounded by stacks of bills and his lips moved wordlessly as he counted the money. I studied the way his blonde hair fell over his navy blue sweatshirt and the way his eyes darted back and forth as though he was expecting a stack of money to get up and walk away.

"Jax," I whispered, slipping inside and plopping down on our twin bed.

He looked up, the concentration wrinkles on his forehead smoothed and his mouth stretched across a perfect row of white teeth. "I saved six hundred bucks clocking hours at the garage."

I nodded and mimicked his smile half-heartedly. I knew this was going to break his heart, but it had to be done. "We need to talk, Baby."

His fair blonde brows pulled together with concern. "About what?"

I dropped his gaze and shuffled uncomfortably on the bed, making the mattress groan under my weight. The vibe in the room was changing. I'd just managed to make the whole setting awkward. "I-uh-I talked to your mom yesterday. She thinks we should go back to Charming."

"You what?" Jax's eyebrows shot up in high arches.

"We need her help," I gently placed two hands on my stomach. I was still not showing any signs of pregnancy. "We can't do this alone."

"So you called my crazy mother?" He slapped his hands down on the carpet and shot up to a standing position, making himself tower over me.

There was a pregnant pause. I refused to meet Jax's glare, but I could feel his eyes burning holes in the side of my head. I rung a loose thread from our comforter around my index finger. When it was clear I was stumbling for the words to say to make this better, Jax sighed.

"She tried to kill you, Tara," He hissed, his voice was still tinged with anger.

I nodded. "I know, but she's our only family and we need her," I finally looked at him, staring into his bright blue eyes and almost forgetting that we were fighting. "I don't want to go back there, Jax. I left, because Charming was changing me into someone I didn't recognize," My voice was steadily getting louder as I tried to explain my reason for going behind his back. "The last thing I want to do is go crawling back there with my tail between my legs, but I don't have any other options." I was gesturing wildly and my eyes had narrowed to thin slits.

Jax looked at me and was quiet for a moment, before sucking in a breath and continuing. "This is exactly what she wants, Tara. She's been scheming ways to bring me back from the moment I stepped on that plane. You gave her an opportunity."

"Dammit, Jax!" I cried. "This isn't about you! This is about our baby and what we're going to do to provide for it," I breathed, trying to stop the lump that was rising in my throat, threatening tears. "You need to think about this baby before yourself from now on," I sucked in a ragged breath. "And stop being selfish."

Jax's blue eyes narrowed and he clenched his jaw even tighter, it looked like he was going to crush his teeth into his gums. He took a step forward, not letting me drop my gaze and I didn't look away either. I was holding my ground, standing up to do what was right for me and my unborn child, even if Gemma was the key to that. "I gave up everything for you!" Jax shouted, spreading his arms wide. His eyes were wild and manic, the way they always looked when he was fuming. "I haven't put myself first since the moment I met you!" He growled, taking a few steps backward. "I've sacrificed my President's patch, my club, I've risked my life for you," I thought back to my previous comment and felt horrible, because everything he was saying was true. "I may appear to be an outlaw, but I am not selfish." He breathed. "I am thinking about our kid. Moving back to Charming could be the worst decision we make for it." He sighed, finally dropping my gaze. "This," Jax pinched his shirt between his fingers, emphasizing the word 'SAMCRO' scrawled across the chest. "Is how our kid could turn out if we move back to Charming."

I didn't reply, because I was stuck on the help Gemma could provide. She'd already raised one son and nursed another in his final hours. She was a fierce mother, whom knew all the ins and outs when it came to protecting her children. I needed her, because I was afraid I'd turn out to be a terrible mother. I really didn't have any proper training, my mother had been sick for as long as I could remember, then died before I was given the chance to understand her influence as a mother. The reason I was running back to Charming was because I was afraid I'd mess up this baby if I attempted to become a mother on my own.

The lump that I'd been swallowing down rose again and the corners of my eyes stung as tears threatened to slip over my lids. I breathed in one last massive breath, then let them spill, leaving trails down my cheeks. "I'm sorry," My chin quivered and a sob rocked through my body. "You're not selfish, Baby," I added. "I am. For wanting to run back to Charming, but also because I don't want to give up my dream here," I looked up meeting Jax's eyes again. "I was so sure Charming was the answer, but what if it's not?" I gestured to the small room surrounding us. "Can we really raise a baby here, Jax?"

Jax sighed and ran a calloused, grease stained hand over his face. "I don't know what we're capable of Tara." He sunk down next to me on the bed and intertwined our fingers in my lap, giving my hand a tight, reassuring squeeze. "Maybe you're right about Charming," He nodded to the piles of cash on the floor. "I only managed to save six hundred this month. We can't buy diapers and shit with that." He shook his head and chuckled slightly.

"Are you saying we should go back?" I questioned, wondering what had suddenly changed his mind.

"I think it would be better for our family, but it's up to you Tara," He nodded to the window that opened up to the quad, displaying tall trees that towered over a vast grass patch, which was browning in the chilly winter weather. "Do you want to give up your dream?"

"I think I have to," I whispered and rested my head on his shoulder. "I want to give this baby a good life." I thought back to Charming. Teller-Morrow's garage, with it's constant stream of cars, the perfect line of shining motorcycles, the dimly lit clubhouse, and the cluttered apartment that felt more like home than my own house. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss it. Gemma could help us with the baby, but would bringing a child into that violent life end up destroying my family?

Jax must've known what I was thinking, because his grip tightened on my hand again. "We can get out of there later if we need to," He promised.

I nodded, knowing that we'd have to, before our child got involved in the life that had nearly destroyed Jax so many times. "I love you," I whispered and rested my head on his shoulder.

"I love you, too, Babe," Jax replied and wrapped a strong arm around my waist.

We were leaving. I was packing up my bags and forgetting about my Harvard dream. I was going back to the one place that I swore I'd never see again. If it wasn't Jax making the journey with me, if I wasn't impossibly sure that he'd be my rock through this whole thing, then I wouldn't be going, but right now this baby needed Gemma and as much as I hated to admit it I needed Gemma.

* * *

><p><strong>I know exactly where I want to go with this fic. I'm sorry if I don't comply with your suggestions, but it's just because I am completely set with what's going to happen. Well, sorry to disappoint, but I hope you like the chapter! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	17. We're Here For Help

I untangled myself from Jax's hold and lay flat on my back, staring up at the blank ceiling. My body rocked with the sobs that rippled through my body. The thought of our departure tomorrow made me sick. Even the sight of our suitcases piled high in the corner of our small dorm room was enough to send my stomach into a whirl. Tears streamed down my face and soaked into the white pillow case.

Jax rolled over and I felt his hands cup the tops of my arms. "What's wrong?" He asked. My eyes were still trained on the ceiling, but I could hear the concern in his voice.

I gulped, swallowing back the tears. "Nothing," I managed.

Jax leaned over me, catching a stray tear with his thumb. "You're crying alone in the middle of the night. It's not nothing."

I did not answer right away. I didn't trust my voice to remain steady. Jax stroked circles on my arm until I was ready to speak. "I don't wanna leave." I turned to look at him, staring into those blue eyes. "And don't tell me we can stay. We need to go back to Charming for our baby."

Jax stared at me for a moment, but didn't speak. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close against his chest. I breathed in the familiar scent that I was sure was as much a part of me as it was him. He held me close giving me the occasional squeeze every time my body shook slightly. It was a rough night, but by the time the sun peeked up over the horizon I had come to terms with the fact that my dreams were over.

Jax and I arrived at his house in Charming late that night. The moon was hanging low in the sky, lighting the darkness with a thin sliver of silver light. The two of us stood outside the house for a moment, standing on the perfectly manicured lawn staring at the two story white house, it's windows framed with simple black shutters. I sighed and reached for his hand, entwining my fingers with his. He kissed the top of my head. I was sure that he was just as leery about our return as I was.

The small foyer was exactly the same as it had been when we left. The tiny pine table that greeted visitors held a crystal vase filled with Gemma's freshly grown flowers. The smell of smoke and roses hung in the air, stinging my nose slightly. Fluorescent lights hanging above our heads were bright, leaving nothing in the room under the cover of darkness.

High heels click clacked against the hardwood floor. My heart started to beat rapidly inside my chest. I tugged at the neckline of the black tank top I was wearing, suddenly the lights overhead were too hot. I was sweating under the thin cotton shirt. The footsteps were getting closer and were followed by heavier, less graceful feet. I clutched Jax's hand for support and he gave me a quick squeeze.

Gemma appeared before us wearing a fake smile. It was obvious that it took a lot of effort to put it there. She stretched out her arms and engulfed Jax in a hug. I stood off to the side bouncing from foot to foot. Clay must have noticed my discomfort because he closed the distance between us in two short strides and wrapped his arms around me. Once Gemma had pulled away from Jax, Clay walked over and hugged him as well.

"It's good to have you back, son," He said in his booming voice, clapping Jax on the shoulder.

Jax nodded, keeping his blue eyes low. He watched carefully as Gemma walked over and wrapped her arms around me, discreetly placing her right hand on my stomach. My eyes never left Jax's. The protective look in his eye even sent chills down my spine. It was like he was waiting for Gemma to attack. The exchange between Gemma and I was short. She pulled away and slapped her hands against her denim clad thighs.

"Why don't you put your bags upstairs. Get settled in. Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. I made pot roast," Gemma announced, her eyes trained on Jax.

Jax seemed to relax a little bit after he was sure Gemma was not going to hurt me. He tugged on my hand, leading me up the carpeted stairs and into the room that I had come so accustomed to over our years together.

When we were finally alone, the door closed safely behind us I sunk down onto his double bed and let out a sigh. Jax dropped our bags on the floor and plopped down next to me. We both lay side by side for a moment, before he propped himself up on an elbow and looked at me.

"She seems better," He commented, reaching over to rest a hand on my stomach.

I nodded, hoping he couldn't hear my heart racing inside my chest. Gemma had remained civil. She probably wouldn't try anything now that Jax was back and I was pregnant with her grandson, but you could never be sure. The mere fact that she disliked me made me feel very unsettled. Her presence alone sent me into the flight or fight response, but my body could not pick one so I just froze.

Jax must have noticed my uneasiness. He pushed my dark hair behind my ear and kissed me gently. "We're going to be okay," He promised.

I don't know why, but I believed him. In that moment everything seemed to come to a still calmness. The peace was shattered by Gemma's voice announcing that the pot roast was ready. I pressed myself further against the mattress hoping I would disappear into the fabric and not have to get up and join Gemma for dinner.

Jax stood up and helped me to my feet. "Gemma doesn't like when people are late for dinner." He warned me.

Of course. I thought. What does she like?

Jax and Clay left early the next morning. Apparently Jax had missed a lot in his absence. The club wanted to fill him in before they made anymore major decisions. That left Gemma and I alone. I laid up in Jax's bed, my hair still wet from my shower. The smells of bacon and eggs wafted up the stairs and into Jax's room, but I refused to move. I did not want to be alone with Gemma. Memories of our last encounter still made me shake with fear. When I was alone with my thoughts I could still feel her strong hands around my neck.

Gemma came striding into the room with a steaming tray in her hands. It was piled high with bacon and scrambled eggs. My mouth watered. It had been months since I had eaten a real home cooked meal and I had to admit Gemma was a good cook. I pulled myself up, propped my head against the dark wooden headboard and draped my dark, wet hair over my shoulder.

"Thanks," I said pulling the tray onto the my lap.

Gemma stood over the bed for a moment, watching as I shoveled the food into my mouth. Then she perched herself on the edge of the bed, slipping her hair behind her ear and clearing her throat.

"I was mad," She said simply.

My mind instantly flew back to those frightening moments in my room, when Gemma attempted to murder me because Jax was moving to Massachusetts with me. I knew that's what she was referring, too. I did not want to give her the satisfaction of thinking that the incident was always on my mind. I pulled my eyebrows together and cocked my head to the side, doing my best to look confused. "I'm sorry, what were you mad about?"

Gemma laughed, like she knew I was bluffing. "Before you left. In your room. I wasn't mad really. Jealous. Because he was choosing you over me. I did not know how to deal with that."

I nodded, letting the fake realization creep over my face. It felt weird hearing Gemma admit her faults. I did not answer, unsure of what I was supposed to say. The silence grew more awkward with every passing minute.

Gemma stood, patting my leg in the process. "I just wanted to tell you that," She sighed, her eyes scanning the disheveled room. "No hard feelings I hope."

I nodded, hoping this was the start of a civil relationship between the two of us. "Of course not." I assured her.

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><p><strong>I'm really sorry if there are any grammar errors. I wrote this quickly and wanted to put it up as soon as possible, considering it has been months since I last uploaded a chapter! Hope you enjoy! leave reviews and let me know what you think! <strong>


	18. A Bouncing Baby

Jax and I were were still climbing over Gemma and Clay at their house in Charming. It had been eight months since we had packed up and watch Boston disappear in the horizon. The new semester was starting today, but I had been taking classes straight through the summer because I was positive that I was going to miss a good half of the first semester. My belly had tripled it's natural size. I was due any day now.

Jax kissed me gently, waking me from the fitful sleep I had finally fallen into. I smiled slightly a little miffed by the early hour, but he was just getting me up for class. We laid for a moment wrapped in each other's arms. My head was resting lightly on his chest.

"Morning, Babe," He whispered in my ear, then his slipped his hand onto my bulging stomach and smiled against my cheek. "Morning, son."

I slapped him playfully and he squirmed with a chuckle. We had not found out the sex of the baby, yet, but Jax was determined to have a boy. I was just hoping he would not be disappointed if we ended up having a boy.

"You don't know that," I warned like I had been for the past nine months.

Jax offered me a goofy smile, like that of a child who had just been caught with their hand in the cookie jar. "Yes, I do," He answered coyly.

I shook my head and swung my swollen ankles over the edge of the bed. It was growing increasingly difficult to do anything. I could not see my feet anymore and my stomach was becoming a huge issue, it got in the way of everything I did. I waddled into the bathroom that was attached to mine and Jax's room.

My first class of the day was at nine A.M. It was my advanced calculus class with Professor Bailey, she was my favorite teacher, because she taught students with the purpose of making it understandable, her sole purpose was not to just follow the curriculum. About twenty minutes into the class sharp pains started to rip through my lower abdomen. I stifled the screams that were trying to force their way out of my mouth and shifted uncomfortably in my seat.

I heard the eerie sound before I felt the rush. It sounded as though somebody had poured a bucked of water on the hard tile floor beneath my feet. Then everything release. I sucked in a deep breath and brown eyes widened with fear. Everyone else in the classroom snapped their heads to look at me. I felt scrutinized under their watchful eyes. Professor Bailey rushed over to my side, her long blonde ponytail swinging out behind her.

"Somebody call 9-1-1!" She cried and knelt down next to me.

My whole world was turned upside down. I felt like everyone around me was moving in slow motion and I was left to fend for myself. My head was spinning and all I felt was the pain in my stomach. Professor Bailey squeezed my hand tightly and rubbed my shoulder gently. I could barely hear her whispered reassurances that I was going to be okay. I do not think it was possible to survive after being put through this much pain.

I could hardly remember the lamaze breathing classes that Jax and I had been forced to attend by Gemma. It was hard to remember anything except for the excruciating pain that was emanating from my abdomen. The room spun wildly around me as I tried to ignore the curious eyes that were glued to my writhing body.

The paramedics came faster than I thought they would. They were at my side in a moment wheeling a stretcher. Professor Bailey stepped back to give them room. It took two of them to heave me onto the gurney. As they wheeled me out of the classroom Jax's smiling face swam into my memory. Jax. I sucked in another breath as I prepared for another contraction, then locked eyes with Professor Bailey.

"My phone!" I cried pointing to my bag hanging off the back of my desk chair. "Call my boyfriend, Jax! Tell him to meet me at the hospital!" That was the last thing I could manage before the contraction came.

Jax's P.O.V

SAMCRO had made a new deal with the Irish. We had been running guns for them for months now. Oswald has even let us keep our warehouse on his property. Possible buyers from Northern Cali were coming today to check out the stock and pick some things out. Clay and I sent every one home, except Tig and Chibs. It was easier to make a deal when the client did not feel threatened. When the other club arrived my cell phone rang. It was Tara. I thought she was in class. My heart started to race. I had to ignore the call, but what if she was hurt? She should not be calling me during class time. I let it go to voicemail, hoping she was okay.

Clay cleared his throat, stepping in between us and the other club. He gestured to the stockpile of guns behind us. "We were hoping you would like to check out the merchandise."

The other MC's president nodded his head and peered around the four of us to look at the guns. "You got AKGs?"

Clay shook his head 'yes'. "We got everything."

My phone vibrated in my jeans again. I shook my leg, trying to ignore it. What if it was Tara again? Clay eyed me angrily. I did my best to pretend the phone was not ringing, but I gave in. My heart was racing with possible prospects of what was happening to Tara. I slipped my phone out of my pocket and flipped it open.

"Babe?" I said into the phone.

There was a pause, then a rush of words delivered by an unfamiliar voice. "ThisisTara'sprofessor,'sinlabor."

I could barely understand the words, but the last one made my heart skip a beat. Labor. It echoed in my head and my knees went weak. I nodded, completely speechless. "Where?" I questioned.

"St. Thomas," Professor Burke answered.

I flipped the phone shut and turned to Tig and Chibs. "Tara's having the baby," I whispered not wanting our clients to hear. They each clapped me on the back and offered their congratulations. I looked at Clay who was striking up a deal with the other MC President. "Clay," I called in a hushed whisper.

He turned around, squinting his eyes in wonder. He was obviously mad I was interrupting me. I waved my phone in the air. "That was Professor Bailey. Tara's in labor."

Clay smiled for a moment, showing pride in his son. Then he turned to the other club and announced the news. "My son's Old Lady is having his baby."

The other men also shared their congratulations as I ducked out into the open air. I jogged to my bike and popped my helmet onto my head, not bothering to buckle the straps in my haste. The only thing on my mind was Tara and our new baby. I was in a hurry because I would be damned if I missed our child's birth.

Tara's P.O.V

A nurse in the emergency room, Rhonda, helped me slip into a gown and wheeled me to a delivery room. The whole trip down the hospital corridor she reminded me to breath and shared encouraging words. The doctor on-call was going to be delivering my baby because my doctor was on vacation and was not due back until later next week. He was coming in in a moment to brief me on the procedure. The nice nurse that had helped me was hooking up me to various machines and sticking me with needles.

"Do you need anything?" She asked taking me chart and heading for the door.

I gripped the side of the bed as my face contorted with pain, but I shook my head no. I did not want to be alone, but this woman had a job to perform. I could not keep her from it. When the door clicked shut behind her I wondered briefly if Jax knew I was in labor. Whether or not he was coming. Then a whole new panic rose inside me. What if I had to do this alone? I could not do this alone. I started to shake and tears rolled down my cheeks.

My face was red and sweaty when the door swung open again. Rhonda walked in, her long brown hair was tied up now in a loose ponytail. She motioned behind her. "He says he knows you."

Jax appeared. His long blonde hair was disheveled and he was a little out of breath like he was in a rush. A smile cracked open on my face and the mere sight of him. He let his own smile spread wide across his mouth and stepped inside.

Rhonda moved forward to scold him, but I shook my head. "No, it's okay. He's my boyfriend."

She nodded and slipped outside, leaving Jax and I alone. I watched as he walked around the side of my bed and reached for my hand. I felt home again once his fingers encased mine. Then his lips met mine and they started working together. I was finally with Jax. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that he was not going to miss the birth of our son.

The doctor entered the room. He was wearing the hospital required navy blue scrubs and his hair was covered by a matching blue scrub cap. He smiled quickly at me and Jax before extending his hand. "Dr. Emerson," He said with a warming smile. He shook both mine and Jax's hand before snapping on a pair of latex gloves. Jax and I both watched him take a seat at the stool by the foot of my hospital bed.

"Let's see here," He mumbled securing my feet into the stirrups and examining me. "You are nine centimeters dilated. You'll be ready to push during the next contraction." Dr. Emerson pulled off his gloves and padded out of the room.

I closed my knees and flopped back against the pillows behind me. Jax reached down to smooth my hair away from my sticky forehead. He kissed the skin above my right eyebrow gently. His blue eyes were still so mesmerizing. Even if they were on the brink of tears.

"This is really happening," I said gesturing to my oversized stomach. I could hardly hide the excitement building inside of me.

"We're gonna have a son soon," Jax said with a smile, knowing how much it ticked me off when he said son. Not that I didn't want a son, but we just did not know what we were having, yet.

It happened quickly. The last contraction rolled through me. Jax called for the doctor then rushed back to brace my shoulders and hold my hand. Dr. Emerson told me to push and called out other orders while Jax patted my forehead dry and shoved ice chips in my mouth. It was excruciating the pain that was ripping through my body.

Small cries filled the room. Dr. Emerson passed a writhing baby to Rhonda who was on standby with a blanket. "Congratulations," The doctor muttered as he turned back to clean me up. "It's a boy."

I was relieved for the second time today. I collapsed onto the bed and panted until I could catch my breath. We had a son. Jax and I brought a little life into this world. Jax squeezed my hand. I looked up to see a stray tear rolling down his check. I wiped it away with my hand and pulled him down by his leather cut to plant a kiss on his mouth.

Rhonda handed me the little boy. He was a mass of rolls and pink skin wrapped in a small cotton blanket. I tried desperately to hold back my own tears of joy. Jax reached down to cradle the two of us in his arms. His kissed the side of my head then the top of our son's head.

"He's precious," I said, but my voice was barely above a whisper. The tiny life just wriggled in my hold.

Jax patted his head and smiled. "He is beautiful."

"Do you have a name for him?" Rhonda interrupted out small moment. She was holding up a blank I.D card and a pen.

Jax and I had been busy the past eight months. We had only really gone over names once or twice. He knew my choices. Abel John Teller or Noah Bryan Teller. All Jax had to do was choose. I turned to Jax, letting him know the choice was all his.

Jax sighed and offered me a small smile. He smoothed the hair away from my forehead again before addressing Rhonda. "Abel John Teller," He answered proudly.

I nodded to Rhonda, then bent over to press my nose against Abel's little head. I took a deep breath, taking in the perfect baby scent. He was small and warm and just perfect in my arms. I turned to look at Jax and slid Abel into his arms. Then as the nurses and doctors filed out of the room to give us privacy I watched as Jax swayed slightly and cooed to Abel.

This was it. This was my family now.

* * *

><p><strong>Please ignore an grammatical or spelling errors. I wrote this quickly and had no time to read it over. I hope you enjoy the chapter! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	19. Living Space

The most treasured time of my day was when I just woke up. The warm California sun streamed through the window, warming my skin. My body was still, but I yet to open my eyes. It was the small window of time when the lines of my reality and my dreamland blurred. I was still unsure whether the last nine months was a nightmare. I could happily pretend that I wasn't under Gemma Teller's roof and I hadn't given up my Harvard dream.

Abel screamed, the sound floating up from the basinet next to the bed Jax and I shared, shattering my hazy, hopeful thoughts. My hand instinctively reached over, carefully fingering the sheets, but coming up empty. Jax was on a protection run to Oregon, had been for the last few days, but every morning my heart sank a little when I realized the bed was empty.

Gemma burst noisily through the bedroom door, making me jump. I looked at her with wide eyes. "What the hell? You gonna let that baby scream to death?"

With one fluid motion I swept my feet off the bed and into a standing position. Gemma made her way toward the baby, but I made sure to beat her to him. Of course Gemma and I were on better terms now that Jax is back and I provided her with a grandson, but there was still tension. I'm not sure what the appropriate amount of time was before you could forgive someone for trying to choke you to death.

"I got him," I said with an edge to my voice.

I settled onto the bed while Gemma continued to watch. She seemed to scrutinize my every move as I rocked Abel in an attempt to soothe him. His screams persisted, making his soft baby skin burn a bright red.

"Shh," I cooed, wishing once again that Jax was with me.

"He needs a bottle," Gemma said raising a suggestive eyebrow.

Being careful to balance Abel in my arms I pushed to my feet and passed Gemma. Sharing a house with her only put more of a strain on our relationship. She was always looking for someone to take care of.

Jax, who had been used to Gemma providing for him his whole life, happily handed Abel over for a feeding or changing. I, on the other hand was accustomed to caring for myself and I hated pity filled stares or helpful suggestions.

Gemma's eyes bore holes into my back as I padded towards towards the kitchen with a screaming Abel. Her constant glare and pushy attitude was wearing on me. Without Jax and Clay around to act as buffers it was becoming downright unbearable.

Later that day after Gemma had left to prepare the clubhouse for the guy's' return and Abel had been put down for a nap. I laid down for a nap of my own, the exhaustion of the previous hours laying heavily on my shoulders. With the house so quiet and Gemma's intimidating presence not an issue I easily fell asleep once my head hit the pillow.

* * *

><p>My eyes opened, slowly adjusting to the darkness in the room. How long had I slept? The big, red lights on the alarm clock next to my bed said it was nine o'clock.<p>

"Shit," I muttered.

For the first time, I noticed the pair of strong arms wrapped securely around my waist. As if on cue my hand reached over and trailed the length of Jax's bare skin. My smile broke through the darkness as I took in his long, straw colored hair thrown lazily over his pillow. I rolled over in his arms and laid my head on his chest, feeling him stir beneath me.

"Hi, Babe," He whispered, gently pressing his lips to my hair.

"Welcome back," I answered reaching up so our mouths could touch.

The only noise that filled the room was the sound of mine and Jax's mouths moving together. I enjoyed the silence for a moment, letting the outside world melt into the background. It was just Jax and I, our lips pressed together in the perfect homecoming. Then the silence became eery. My eyes snapped open, immediately finding the empty basinet.

"Where's Abel?" I questioned, turning back to Jax.

He cracked a smile, completely at ease. "Relax, my mother took him," He replied, carefully leaning back against the headboard. "She wanted to give us time. Clay isn't back, yet. Had to stay north to handle some stuff."

Gemma took Abel. Of course. I rolled my eyes and flopped down onto the bed. Jax pulled his blonde brows together with confusion. I didn't answer his questioning stare immediately, I just sighed my annoyance.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

I slapped my hands down on the mattress. They landed with a muted thump. After another short pause i turned to look into his haunting blue eyes. With one last sigh I began to rattle off my thoughts.

"Gemma's everywhere," I breathed. "She's been breathing down my neck since Abel was born. She's constantly taking him or telling me what he needs or how to take care of him." Everything came out quickly, I was hoping he could decipher my words because I did not trust myself to repeat them without flying into a blind rage. "We need to move out, Jax. Me, you, and Abel. We can find our own place." After I'd finally managed to say everything I turned to Jax, who was still propped up against the headboard. His expression was unreadable, but softened after a moment. His blue eyes smoldered with sympathy.

"That's just who Gemma is," He sighed. I waited for him to explain further and acknowledge that moving out proposal. "She likes to help because she needs to feel wanted. I know she can be a little overbearing at times, but she means well."

I scoffed, "A little overbearing?" That was an understatement. I was still painfully aware that he had not acknowledged the fact that I had suggested we move out. Was he not willing to own a house with me? Or was he too dependent on Gemma's help? "You know I can keep a home just as good as Gemma can. I've been doing it just fine for years...if that's why you're afraid to move in with me..."

A low laugh escaped from Jax's throat. He reached over and wrapped his arms around me, easily pulling me against his bare chest. I rested my head on the hollow under his arm. The warmth from his body seeped through my thin tank top, making butterflies flutter in my stomach.

"I'm not afraid to move in with you. And I'm sure you'd make an excellent home. I'm not worried about food or laundry, Tara." He reached down, until I felt his lips press against my scalp.

My voice was small when I spoke. It didn't sound like my own. The sound was dripping with insecurity and urgency. "What are you worried about, then?"

Jax's eyes widened, like they usually did when he was about to be blatantly honest. "Honestly? Abel."

I recoiled like I'd been slapped. So, he wasn't worried about my home making skills, but my maternal ones were questionable? "You don't think I'm a good mother?" I pulled away to read his expression, but he wouldn't meet my eye.

"No, that's not what I'm saying," He insisted, finally looking at me. "But what happens when I'm on a run and you're in class?" He cocked his head to the side. "Who's there for Abel?" A more serious look crossed his face. "What happens if I'm not there at night?" He shrugged. "I cannot leave you two unprotected."

I rolled my eyes, easily tossing his worry to the side. Jax had a fear instilled in him that mine and Abel's attachment to him automatically made us targets for some doom looming on the horizon. Although there was no doubt that when Jax was around I felt instantly safer, I was positive that I could handle a few nights alone a month. "Nothing is going to happen while you're gone. Nothing that I can't handle. You think Gemma can protect us, but I can't protect my own son? And when I'm at class Neeta can watch him. It's only for a few hours."

Jax didn't answer. He kept his eyes straight ahead. I racked my brain for something solid to back me up. I could only think of the crowded kitchen and Gemma's watchful eyes. "I cannot live on top of people like this, baby. We need our own space."

"Fine," He finally agreed. With a tight squeeze to my shoulder and a mischievous smirk he addressed me again, "but you need to promise me something."

"Anything," I quickly agreed before he could change his mind.

"One, you'll be the one to break the news to my mom," He laughed. "And you let me teach you how to shoot a gun." My facial expression must've given away my shock because he winked and added. "Just for protection."

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><p><strong> I hope you enjoyed the chapter! Leave reviews and let know what you think! <strong>


	20. A Beginning and an End

The newspaper ads and real estate magazines were all tucked beneath mine and Jax's bed. We had been house hunting, but had decided to hide our search from Gemma. Now the damage was done. Jax and I had met with, Tammy, our real estate agent earlier this morning and put a down payment down on a house. It was a cute, three bedroom, ranch style house in our price range. It was only three blocks over from Gemma and Clay's house and a five minute drive from the compound.

For most people the house hunting and buying would be the difficult part. Their biggest hurdles would be the small arguments Jax and I got into over countertops and the number of bedrooms. For me, that was the easy part, the part of the process that I openly welcomed. Now, I had to hold up my end of the bargain. I had to tell Gemma.

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><p>My heart was pounding against my rib cage at the thought of her intimidating glare. But I promised Jax that I would be the one to tell her...that and that I would let him teach me how to shoot a gun. I probably should have made him teach me before this conversation, for some reason I thought I was going to need that skill. Abel was sleeping, peacefully in his basinet and Gemma was banging around in the kitchen downstairs. The time was ticking by quickly. Jax and I had thirty days before we could move into the house.<p>

Gemma was sitting at the head of the table, a cigarette hanging out of her mouth when I got downstairs. The smell of her famous pot roast was wafting out of the oven. I carefully took the seat to her right without saying a word. The silence was awkward, but neither of us moved to speak for a long moment. Then, suddenly, Gemma stubbed out her cigarette in the ashtray.

"You gonna stare at me a little more or are you gonna spit out whatever has your panties in a bunch?" The matriarch quipped, turning to look at me with the intimidating stare I had feared.

I tapped my fingers against the wooden table for a moment, refusing to meet her gaze. I thought of Gemma's watchful stares and helpful "advice". That alone let me build up the courage I needed. "Jax and I have been thinking about leaving for a while now..." I started, then finally looked into Gemma's eyes. They were unreadable, but her mouth was set in a thin line.

"What do you mean by leaving?" She sneered.

I gulped, but continued. "Moving. Into our own place with Abel," I clarified.

Gemma shook her head and laughed, but their was no humor in the sound. Her face took on an incredulous expression. "Why would you do that?"

I gestured to the house around me. "Gemma, we are adults with a child. We need our own living space," I exasperated. "Abel's getting older and he's going to need his own room. We're living on top of each other here. It'll be good for you and Clay, too."

Gemma leaned forward, resting her elbows on the table. She lifted one thin eyebrow and bore her eyes into mine. "Jax and Abel need me," She said, slowly, letting each syllable roll off her tongue. "Clay and I don't care if you stay here!" She shook her head again, like I was the crazy one. "What's going to happen when Jax is at the club and you're in class?"

"We're going to hire Neeta. She can take care of Abel while we're out," I swallowed. "And Jax is going to teach me how to shoot a gun, so we won't be unprotected while he's on long runs," I added because I knew that was going to be her next point.

She sucked her teeth and relaxed back against her chair. "If I say no?"

I laughed quickly. "It doesn't matter. We already bought a house. It'll be ready for us to move into in a month." My voice was stern and I did my best not to let it falter.

"You sons of bitches," She murmured so quietly I wasn't positive that's what she said. "You did this behind my back?"

I nodded. "We had to! Because of the way you're reacting now!"

Gemma pulled another cigarette from the cardboard sleeve on the table and held it to the lighter she kept in her breast pocket. She sucked in a lungful of the poison before blowing it back in my face. "You're about to rip my grandson and son away from me. How would you like me to react?"

I scoffed. She was so melodramatic. "I'm not ripping them away from you," I said through gritted teeth. "We're moving three blocks away. You'll still see them everyday."

Gemma pushed herself away from the table. "I cannot have this conversation right now. But if you plan on leaving, take your shit and get out by the end of the day."

Without another word or even a glance over her shoulder, she grabbed her keys out of the dish on the counter and stormed out of the house, slamming the door closed behind her. The sound echoed off the thin walls and resulted in a screaming Abel. I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut before going up to soothe him.

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><p>I was waiting in the kitchen when Jax burst through the back door. He was probably still on edge from my phone call or maybe from an encounter with Gemma. I'm sure she got to him before I could even make the call. He threw his bike's keys and glock in the dish before taking a seat across from me.<p>

"What the hell happened?" He asked, meeting my eye.

I cocked my head up to get a better look at him. "I told Gemma we were moving."

He sighed and rolled his head around, taking another deep breath before answering. I leaned against the table gently and laughed. "She didn't take it well, Jax." I looked at the ashtray that held Gemma's stubbed out cigarette. "She wants us out by tonight."

Jax mashed his lips together and shook his head. The fury he was feeling burned in his blue eyes. "I knew she would do something like this!' He slammed his fist against the table, making me jump back in my seat.

I knew he blamed me. I had been the one to push our move. The tears stung the corners of my eyes, but I managed to blink them back. "I'm sorry, baby," I whispered.

Jax looked up at me, concern heavy in his eyes. He got up and walked around the table, bending down to kneel in front of me. I wiped a stray tear from my face and swiveled in my chair to face him. He took both of my hands in his. "I don't blame you, Babe," He squeezed my hands and held my gaze. "This is on my crazy mother."

I nodded, his face a blur through the tears. He clicked his tongue and reached up to sweep my cheeks clean with his thumb. I leaned into his hand and cracked a small smile. "We're homeless."

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><p>Jax followed me to the compound on his bike. The trunk of the Cutlass was full of all our things. When I entered the lot, the first thing I did was do a once over for Gemma's Escalade. All that was there was a few cars from the garage and a couple of bikes. I breathed a sigh of relief and put the car into park.<p>

Jax and I took over the apartment, filling the drawers with our stuff, making it our own. I set up Abel's basinet next to the bed and filled the medicine cabinets with my stuff. After we were all unpacked and moved into our makeshift home for the month Jax and I collapsed onto the bed.

"Ugh," He sighed, running a hand over his face.

I scooted over and rested my head on his chest, letting the heat from his skin seep through his t-shirt's thin fabric and warm my cheek. I breathed my own sigh, feeling the stress roll off my shoulders. It wasn't my ideal living situation, but it meant that we were out from under Gemma's constant watch. I welcomed the relief.

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><p>The new house wasn't furnished, yet. The order had been on backorder and we couldn't get it for another five to seven business days. Jax and I made do, though. We slept on a mattress on the floor with Abel in his basinet. We ate on cardboard boxes in the living room or just ventured to the clubhouse for our meals. It was just nice to be free of Gemma. Neither of us had, had much contact with her over the last week, though. The relationship her and I had worked to repair while we were staying at her house had been shattered with one conversation.<p>

Our first night in the house had been perfect. After we put Abel to sleep in his new nursery, Jax and I retreated to our own bedroom. The walls were plain and there was only a single mattress, but it was good enough for the two of us. I walked in first taking in the nearly empty room. Jax came in behind me, carefully wrapping his arms around my waist. I leaned back, resting my head on his shoulder.

"Welcome home, Babe," He whispered, his lips brushed against my ear, sending chills down my spine.

"Thank you," I smiled, breathing in his familiar scent. "For doing this." I gestured to the house around us.

Jax didn't answer. He leaned down and dragged his lips along the length of my jaw before trailing kisses down the soft skin of my neck. I angled my head to the side, letting him get a better angle. Then I turned in his arms and reached up to press my lips against his, trailing my tongue across his lower lip. He opened his mouth immediately, rushing to press our tongues together. With careful movements, I grabbed his cut in my fists and shoved it off his back, letting it fall to the plush carpet. He reached down and grabbed my legs, lifting them up around his waist.

"I've missed you," I breathed into the air as Jax ducked his head to work his mouth over my collarbone.

He didn't answer, he just laid me down on the mattress and pulled at the hem of my black v-neck. I lifted my arms above my head, making it easier for him to slide the fabric over my head. When his mouth found mine again, he whispered the words against my lips. "I've miss you, too, Tara."

* * *

><p>The next morning the sounds of Abel's distant cries woke me up. My eyes shot open and were filled with the harsh sunlight that was shining through the naked window. My clothes were still in a pile on the ground, next to Jax's. A thin sheet was the only thing covering our two bare bodies. I was wrapped in Jax's arms, my head resting gently to his chest. Under the white sheet our legs were a tangled mess. With a sigh, I pushed myself up and slid into Jax's discarded t-shirt. It was my favorite one. The navy one with SAMCRO written across the breasts in gray. It still smelled like him as it fell loosely against my thin frame. I looked over my shoulder to make sure Jax was still sleeping soundly before padding off to Abel's nursery.<p>

"Shhh," I cooed, reaching down to pick Abel up out of the basinet. He quieted some and nestled against my chest. I rocked him back and forth under the stream of sunlight coming through the window above the basinet.

"How are my two favorite people?" I heard Jax asked from behind me. I could hear the smile in his voice. I turned to see him leaning against the doorway, wearing nothing put the pair of jeans he'd stripped off last night. He looked over my outfit, which consisted of his t-shirt and boxers and let out a low chuckle. "That's a good look for you."

I ignored his comment before the conversation escalated. We did have our child in the room. Morning, Teller," Was all I said in response.

Jax walked into the room and wrapped his arms around me. We carefully cradled Abel between our chests. We stayed like this for a long moment. I savored the time. We were a little family in our own little house. Gemma doubted us, but I didn't. Together, Jax and I could make this work.

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><p><strong>Hope you enjoy the chapter! Leave reviews and let me know what you think! <strong>


	21. Chapter 21

A warm, perfectly made bed was waiting for me at mine and Jax's house. I rolled through the dark, quiet streets of Charming in my father's old Cutlass. There were a million things running through my head. My shoulders were tight with the stress of my class load. The smell of formaldehyde still stung my nostrils after a morning of dissecting lifeless animals. My waiting son and boyfriend were the only things that kept my eyes open and broke me out of the hypnosis that overcame me whenever I drove home after long nights.

The house was dark when I pulled the car into the driveway. Jax's bike was parked next to the garage, so he was home. Neeta's Sentra was gone, she'd gone home for the night hours ago. I could feel my muscles relaxing just thinking about the warm shower and bed inside.

It was quiet inside. None of the back lights were on either. Jax was probably sleeping, I'm sure he had a long day, too. I crept down the hall to the nursery. When I leaned over the crib I found it empty, the cotton sheets ruffled like Abel had once been laying there. My heart started to pick up it's pace and my mind when blank. My voice was shrill when I screamed, so unlike my own I wasn't sure it was me who spoke. "JAX!"

I ran down the hall toward the master bedroom, screaming for Jax the entire way. He stopped me just before I reached our bedroom and wrapped his arms tightly around me. "What's wrong?" He managed between my screaming fits.

My heart was now pounding against my rib cage, threatening to pop out f my chest. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding and a headache was starting at my temples. "Abel...he's not in...his crib," I forced out between the sobs that were now rocking my body.

Jax used his thumbs to wipe away my tears then he brought his lips to my ear. "Calm down, Babe. He's at Gemma's house." He looked into my eyes and pushed my disheveled hair away from my forehead. "He's safe. He's okay."

Jax's soothing voice and words made my heart begin to slow to it's normal pace. I tried to force away the feelings that I felt at the sight of the empty crib and regulate my ragged breathing. I leaned into Jax letting his hands rub calming circles over my back. It took me a moment before I could think normally again. "Why is he at Gemma's house?" I finally asked, pulling away and drawing my brows together in confusion.

Jax laughed lightly, but didn't answer. Instead, he threaded his fingers through mine and pulled me into our bedroom. I gasped at the sight of our temporarily renovated space. Candles were scattered around, placed on several pieces of furniture and dimly glowing. Rose petals were arranged on the bed in the shape of a heart. I let Jax pull me to the bed, the mattress sank under our combined weight.

"What is this?" I asked, letting my eyes scan the room again.

"I love you, Tara," He began and reached to squeeze both of my hands in his. "I've loved you since I was sixteen. You've stayed when anybody else would have left. Put up with a kidnapping, my crazy mother, and long nights alone with Abel. You let me back into your life after I let you leave for Harvard. You've stayed strong through everything. You're amazing," He dropped one of my hands and let his index finger drag along the length of my cheek. I smiled and leaned into his touch, savoring the warmth of his skin against mine.

My brows drew together and I used my free hand to cup his cheek. "Is this...?" I asked.

He nodded, letting a smile of pure joy spread across his face. It was rare to see Jax smile like that, with his guard down. He slid onto one knee, leaving me alone of the bed and pulled a velvet jewelry box from his cut's pocket. "We should get married." He popped open the top of the box and a sparkling diamond ring stared back at me.

I gasped for the second time, my hand flew up to cover my mouth. "Jax..." I breathed. My eyes were filled with tears of joy that had not yet been shed. "Yes," I nodded and smiled. I was shaking my head up and down like a bobble head, but my moving head couldn't wipe the smile off my face.

Jax placed the ring on my left hand. I bent over and grabbed his face with both hands before planting a kiss on his lips, letting my tongue drag lazily over his bottom lip. He joined me on the bed again and easily pulled my legs around his waist. Finally, he opened his mouth and gave my tongue access to his.

We fell back against the mattress, sending up a flurry of rose petals around use. We kept our bodies pressed together, letting our mouths work in a frenzy like we had never kissed before. All of my stress from the previous hours melted away as Jax's hands explored my body, reaching under the hem of my t shirt to rub against the bare skin of my stomach and back. His touch was electric.

I did the same, tracing the planes of his perfectly sculpted stomach. His broad shoulders felt perfect in my tiny hands. It was a dance we had done a hundred times, but with the ring weighing heavily on my left hand everything felt new. His skin warmer and his touches more gentle.

* * *

><p>"We're engaged," I whispered into the darkness of our room. The candles had burned out a long time ago. The only sound was the heaviness of our breathing that was slowly returning to normal. Sweat was drying against my naked body. My head was resting against Jax's chest, just over his tattoo of Abel's name.<p>

Jax leaned down to kiss the top of my head. His sniffed in the scent of my lavender shampoo before speaking. "We are." He whispered his reply.

I stayed there in his arms forgetting about everything that has ever made me doubt our relationship and just enjoyed the moment.


	22. It's All Too Much

**I was supposed to add this in as a footnote in the last chapter, just so you know what time of year it is. It is around March of Tara's sophmore year in college.**

* * *

><p>There was a slight chill in the air, unseasonably cold for late March. I ran my hands up and down the thin gray sweater covering my arms in an attempt to fight off the chill. I was standing beside my new navy blue Ford Edge in the parking lot of a bridal shop in a town just a few miles from Charming. Gemma was meeting me here so we could look at a few wedding dresses we saw on their website.<p>

The tan Escalade pulled into the lot and Gemma slid out. She had a manilla envelope full of print outs of wedding dresses. She nodded her acknowledgement and smiled slightly behind her sunglasses, but never stopped her stride toward the shop. I fell into step behind her.

A short, thin bleached blonde was standing in the entryway of the store. She was dressed in an all black pants suit. A smile spread across her cute face when the bells hanging above the door announced mine and Gemma's arrival.

"Hi, I'm Desiree. Welcome to_ Fairytale Bride's Boutique. _Are you Tara and Gemma?"

I nodded. "I'm Tara. This is Gemma," I answered, gesturing toward the older woman at my side.

Desiree's eyes widened slightly as she took in Gemma's leather clad body. Her gaze lingered a little while on the crow tattoo peeking out from under Gemma's lace camisole. Despite the distance between the small shop and Charming it was possible that Desiree knew all about SAMCRO. The Sons were pretty well known in the area. If she was frightened, she didn't let on or drop her professionalism.

"I'll be your sales associate today," She explained and led us to a sitting area in the back. She sat down and pulled a binder out from under her chair and onto her lap.

* * *

><p>An hour into our meeting, Desiree had set me up in a dressing room. Gemma was waiting outside in one of the chairs that faced the small platform where I modeled the dresses I tried on. The clothes rack in the dressing room was packed with seven discarded dresses. They all looked beautiful on paper, but when I tried them on they weren't the "one".<p>

Desiree had fled the room a few minutes ago after promising she had the perfect dress for me to wear. I stared at myself in the mirror. I was wearing only a thin satin slip, the white fabric made my dark hair and pale skin intensify. I was distracted when Desiree came in cradling a garment bag to her chest. I watched carefully as she hung it up on the mirror, then unzipped the bag, revealing the dress inside.

I gasped audibly and my hand flew up to cover my mouth. "Desiree," I blinked slowly. "It's beautiful." Before I even put the dress on I knew it was the perfect one.

When I moved to stand on the platform so Gemma could see the dress I heard her gasp as well. I could heard her and Desiree murmuring about how beautiful the dress was, but it was all background noise. I was starting at myself in the 360 degree mirrors before me. My hands repeatedly smoothed the fabric over my thighs.

The dress was a floor length, a-line gown, made entirely of lace. It's straps were an inch wide. A deep v-neckline revealed a sexy, but elegant amount of cleavage. There was an intricately beaded, inch and a half thick, gray belt cinching my fabric around my waist.

Images of myself standing at the beginning of an aisle in this dress filled my mind. I pictured Jax waiting at the end next to the judge. This was the dress I was going to get married in and judging from the excited claps and woos from behind me, Desiree and Gemma agreed.

After our long day at the dress shop, Gemma and I loaded the dress into the back of her Escalade and said goodbye. I had to make it to class and she needed to hide the dress before Jax could sneak a peek.

* * *

><p>I had Anatomy class today, which was my favorite subject. My professor made me dread the class though. He was nearly seventy, but refused to retire despite the college's attempts to persuade him. Everything he did was old fashioned. Most of his teaching techniques were tired. The worst part was the massive amount of homework he assigned every class.<p>

Tonight was no different. By the time I trudged through the door of mine and Jax's house I was exhausted and hauling a messenger back filled with a week's worth of homework. I sighed and dropped the bag in the foyer. Nita smiled at me from the kitchen table. She closed the book she was reading and grabbed the bag by her feet.

"Thanks, Nita," I smiled and held the door open for her. "I'll see you tomorrow."

I slumped at the kitchen table and opened all of my Anatomy text books. Then I began vigorously scratching the answers across the pages. Then I opened my laptop and began to type the paper I that was due via email by tomorrow night. It took me hours to even complete half of the workload. The clock over the microwave read eleven o'clock. With a long, exhausted sigh I slammed my textbooks closed and padded off to get ready for bed.

* * *

><p>"Tara," A familiar voice whispered in my ear. The scruffy hair of a mustache and beard scratched at my ear. My eyes slowly blinked open, taking in our bedroom. The outside world beyond the window was still dark. There was no sign of a rising sun, yet. "It's still early, Babe. I gotta go. We have that run to Arizona."<p>

I had gotten caught up in all the stress of the last few days. Between my classes and wedding plans. The run had completely slipped my mind. I turned to look at him and nodded. The mixture between the early hour and the sadness took my tongue.

He slipped off the bed and padded barefoot and bare chest into the bathroom. I watched him for a moment before pushing back the sheets and following him. He was standing in front of the sink, brushing his teeth when I found him. His smooth skin, sculpted abs, and rigid jaw were so inviting. I didn't want to lose him for five days.

In one swift motion, I pressed my feet against the cold tile and wrapped my arms around his waist, drawing his body to mine. With careful movements I pressed my lips against the soft skin of his shoulder. He leaned forward and spit the toothpaste into the sink, then wiped his mouth on the hand towel hanging next to the mirror before turning around and taking me into his arms.

After Jax and I said goodbye in the doorway. I went into the kitchen and watched from the window until the lights of his motorcycle were no longer visible. Then I retreated to Abel's bedroom and stood over his crib watching him sleep. I thought about going back to bed, but knew that I would never be able to sleep in an empty bed. I fell onto the daybed in the corner of the nursery and stayed up until fitful cries broke the silence.

* * *

><p>Taking care of Abel on my own was proving to be difficult. I was so thankful that Jax hadn't run the other way when I announced my pregnancy back in Massachusetts. Being a single mother was not a walk in the park. Especially when you were juggling college classes and wedding planning.<p>

I was sitting at mine and Jax's kitchen table. Abel was seated in my lap while I held a bottle in his mouth. My classwork was spread out in front of me. I was trying to spread my concentration between scratching the answers and notes in my binder and feeding Abel. The pounding headache throbbing at my temples was making both tasks difficult.

"Knock, knock," Gemma said as she slipped through the front door.

I smiled at her as she made her way into the kitchen. Her arms were full of binders and wedding magazines. I knew what she was here for. I slammed my textbook closed and slid it out of the way, clearing a place for Gemma's wedding things. She took a seat across from me and started blabbering about different ideas she had.

It was hard to think straight with the massive headache I was experiencing, but I was trying. Gemma slid a few brochures over to my side of the table and started gabbing about the venues she visited today. She had a few in mind and a list of prices in one of her binders.

My head was foggy and suddenly my body felt weak. I nodded along where it seemed necessary. Balancing Abel on my lap seemed to take all of my strength. The last thing I remember was Gemma droning on and on about the importance of centerpieces and the slight pressure of Abel's weight in my lap. Then the world went black. I lost all control of my muscles and my body went limp.

* * *

><p>Harsh fluorescent lights hung overhead, waking me from the deep sleep I had slipped into. The steady beeping of the monitor beside my head was a reminder that my heart was still going. I rolled my head to the side and noticed that my body had become a map of chords and wires. I sucked in a breath and tried to pull them away from my skin.<p>

"Easy, easy," A rough, familiar voice said from somewhere in the room. Then strong hands wrapped around my wrists, holding my arms in place against the mattress. Jax's strong jawline and long blonde hair swam into my vision. "You're alright, babe," He promised, leaning forward to press a kiss to my forehead.

A hundred questions swam through my mind, but I picked one and asked. "What happened?" My brows pulled together as I looked up at my fiance.

"The doctor said you were exhausted and dehydrated. You need to stay here for a few days. Get some rest," He explained. With one gentle motion he swept me to the side and scooted his way into the bed next to me.

I started to get up, I was shaking my head. There was no way I could stay in this hospital for a few days. My schedule was too busy. "I can't stay here! I have to go!"

Jax gently pressed me back to the mattress. He kissed me on the mouth and chuckled slightly. "No, Tara," He sat up, so he could look me in the eye. "That's what got you in here."

I let out a huff and crossed my arms over my chest. Jax laughed again and leaned back against the pillows on the bed. I turned to face him and cuddled up, resting my head against his chest. When his strong arms tightened around my waist I let myself relax and my eyes slipped closed.

* * *

><p>When I woke up a few hours later Gemma was standing in the middle of the room and I was still wrapped in Jax's arms. The TV overhead was playing some cartoon. A cat and dog were running around chasing each other. I laughed lightly and hit Jax playfully. Gemma smiled, taking in our moment of play. Then she lifted up her hand, waving a white envelope in her hand. She handed them to me and I looked at her with a confused glare.<p>

"What-" My brows pulled together, but she just shook her head.

"Just open it, sweetheart."

I slid my finger under the paper flap and opened the envelope. Inside were two more slips of paper. When I pulled them out I gasped and read over the small slips three times before my face cracked into a huge smile.

"Florida?" I asked, looking down at the airline tickets.

Gemma nodded and Jax looked at me with a knowing smile. He was in on this, too.

"You need to rest and Jax needs to get far away from the club. So it can't pull him back in while he's trying to help you get better," She walked around the side of the bed and grabbed my hand. "It's just a week, honey. I'll take Abel. You two can get away."

I was speechless. This sounded perfect. A week alone with Jax. I nodded. "Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong>I hope you enjoy the chapter! Hopefully the next one will be up within a few days! Leave reviews and let me know what you think!<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

After Jax and Gemma had announced their plan for our Miami trip I'd been hesitant. We had never been away from Abel since he was born. I was afraid to leave him alone, although I knew Gemma was more than capable of taking care of him. She did know how to protect her family. I knew that first hand. It didn't stop me from complaining and trying to make up excuses to get out of the trip.

Even as Jax and I boarded the plan I clung to him and raked my brain for reasons why this wasn't a good idea. "What if Abel needs us?" I questioned, my voice was slightly whiney, but I didn't care.

Jax shook his head and picked up our carry-ons as we moved forward in line. "He's not going to need us. Gemma can take care of him," He promised. He had been repeating the same sentence for days now, but I still felt bad leaving.

I nodded. I'd gone through all of my excuses. Missed classes, Jax being away from the club, Abel needing us, my need to be near Abel, a "fear" of flying. Jax had come up with solutions to all of the problems I dished out. Which always ended with me going to Florida with him.

Jax dropped both of our bags on the floor and turned to me. He took my face between his hands and stared into my eyes with his piercing blue ones for a moment before speaking. "It's going to be okay," He promised. His thumbs traced the pronounced black circles beneath my eyes. "You need the rest," He reminded me. Before I could add my counter statement the announcer at the desk by the plane's entrance announced that our section was ready for boarding. I sighed, hiked my purse higher on my shoulder and followed behind Jax.

* * *

><p>When we got to Florida I called Gemma every hour. Each time she told me Abel was fine and that I should stop worrying and enjoy myself. That didn't stop me from calling again. I knew Jax was getting annoyed. Every time he tried to get intimate I would look at the clock on our nightstand and realize it was time to call again.<p>

We had dinner reservations at the hotel's restaurant for 7:00 P.M. The two of us were milling around the room getting ready. I had slipped into a pair of denim shorts and a brown tank top. Jax was wearing a clean white t-shirt and jeans. The place was right on the beach, so it wasn't formal. We had made sure of that because we weren't formal people.

We were getting ready to leave when I sat down on the edge of the bed and pulled out my cell phone. Jax turned away from the door and shook his head. He held out his hand for the phone. I looked away pretending not to notice him, but he sat down next to me and cupped my chin in his palm.

"Tara, come on," He breathed. "Give me four days alone with you. I'll let you call Gemma twice a day."

My mind was conflicted. In all honesty, I wanted to catch the next flight back to Charming and hold my son. On the other hand Jax was sitting before me looking insanely gorgeous and I wanted to rip his clothes off. I sighed and placed the phone in Jax's waiting hand, then slid off the bed.

* * *

><p>The sun was hanging high in the sky, beating down on my pale skin. The air was mixed with the scents of suntan lotion and salt water. I took a deep breath, taking in the scent of the beachy air. The only sounds were the waves lapping against the shore and the low hum of someone's radio in the distance. It was like Jax and I were in our own little bubble.<p>

Cold lotion plopped onto my back and a strong, familiar hand began rubbing it in. I looked up from my spot on the terry cloth beach towel and looked at Jax. His long blonde hair fell like a curtain around his face and his beautiful blue eyes were shielded by his black Ray Bans sunglasses. I licked my lips and turned over, letting him cover my stomach in lotion as well.

"You were getting red," He explained.

I nodded. A sheepish grin inched across my lips. "I'm not complaining."

Jax chuckled, then put the lotion back in my bag and sat down on the towel. I propped myself up on my elbows and squinted my eyes against the sun. The water looked so relaxing. I watched the waves hit the shore, then roll back out. My burning skin was aching for a reprieve. Jax must've noticed my fixation because in one swift motion he stood and threw my body over his shoulder. He jogged down to the beach, letting my body flop around like a rag doll, his strong hands held me tight around my waist, making sure I didn't fall. My hair fell wildly around my face and the air made the sweat dry, leaving a sticky layer on my skin.

When we reached the water Jax flung me down. I landed against the cool waves with a thump. It splashed up around me, cooling my body down. I laughed and shrieked, then flailed my arms, splashing water back in his face. Jax lunged forward, tackling me against the wet sand. I didn't even notice the grains digging into my back because the feeling of his wet skin against mine was invigorating. I breathed deeply and pushed him off of my body before running further into the ocean. Jax chased after me. He caught me around the waist. I shrieked at his touch, then felt myself fly into the air. Jax spun me around before dropping me into the waves again.

By the time the sun was setting my bathing suit was full of sand and my hair was matted at the crown of my head. Jax helped me up and we started toward our abandoned towel. Most of the beach was vacant. Some people were showered and dressed, taking a nice nightly walk along the beach. We packed up our things and head back to the hotel.

We held hands the whole way up to the room. We laughed and shoved each other playfully. In the lobby, we got the evil eye from the other hotel guests because Jax picked me up bridal style and spun me around on the marble floor. We both erupted in a fit of giggles when my feet were safely on the floor again.

Jax threw our bags on the floor in the room. I kicked off my flip flops at the door and plopped down on the mattress. I was exhausted after our long day in the sun. My skin was red, but it wasn't painful, yet. I knew tomorrow I'd be sorry. I tried to rake my fingers through my hair and groaned when a huge knot stopped me. "I'll never get a brush through my hair," I complained.

Jax sat down next to me and cracked a smile. His eyes scanned over the mess on top of my head. Then he looked down and brushed a patch of sand off his bare chest. Without saying another word he stood up and grabbed my hand. I gave him a flirty smile and let him lead me into the bathroom.

The shower in our hotel room was separate from the jacuzzi bathtub. It was walk in with huge glass doors all around it. The shower head was removable and their were dimmers on the lights. Jax set me down on the sink's vanity and crushed his lips to mine. I deepened it, opening my mouth to let his tongue mix with mine. My eyes were closed, but I felt Jax slowly shimmy out of his bathing suit, his lips never left mine. When they abruptly did I opened my eyes and saw his bare ass staring back. He was leaned into the shower, turning the knob. Water sprayed out and hit the shower floor. It looked welcoming. There was sand in places there shouldn't be sand and I needed a long shower.

Jax came back, kissing me immediately. Our lips only parted to make room for my cover up to come off. With precision, Jax untied my bikini top and dropped it, revealing my naked chest. Once I was free of my bathing suit bottom, I wrapped my legs around Jax's waist and let him carry me into the shower. He pressed my back against the cold marble wall and made a trail of sucking kisses down my neck.

* * *

><p>After our steamy shower, Jax and I wrapped ourselves in the hotel's free terry cloth robes. They felt amazing against my freshly moisturized skin. Jax ordered room service for dinner, two filet mignon's with garlic mashed potatoes, and broccoli drizzled with cheese. My stomach grumbled when he mentioned food. I hadn't realized how hungry I'd become. We ate our dinners curled up in bed tuned into some corny made for T.V movie.<p>

We cleaned our plates and brushed our teeth, then returned to bed for the end of the movie. Jax had slipped out of the robe and into a pair of plaid boxers, his sleeping attire of choice. I simply threw on a pair of panties and one of Jax's SAMCRO t-shirts. We laid together for a long time, talking. I was curled against Jax's chest, my head resting at the hollow between his shoulder and neck.

"Remember that time when we were sixteen? We snuck out to go to one of Hale's parties," I asked with a laugh. David Hale's father was a huge judge in Charming. Mr. and Mrs. Hale were always away on business trips. The weekends that the Hale boys were left alone; Jacob, the goody two shoes would leave and spend it at a friends house like he was told. David on the other hand would throw wild parties. Jax and I snuck out and met up. I ended up getting mind numbingly drunk.

"Yeah, I had to carry your drunk ass home," Jax laughed. He squeezed me tighter to his chest and kissed the top of my head. "Your dad found out. I thought he was going to kill me."

Jax and I spent the rest of the night wrapped in each others arms. We reminisced about old times, then moved on to Abel. He was the love of both our lives. We couldn't stop smiling while we talked about his little laugh or the way he was starting to stumble around. Jax imitated his gurgling baby talk and I laughed hysterically.

The sun shone through the huge bay windows in our hotel room. The blinding light woke me up. I untangled myself from Jax and made my way to the bathroom. The clock on my cell phone read 6:30 AM. Our flight was later in the morning. We were no where near ready to leave. I clucked my tongue and grabbed the small duffel bag from under the sink. While I was in there I packed up most of the bathroom, only leaving out the toothbrushes, toothpaste, and deodorant.

* * *

><p>The hours flew by. Jax and I were boarding the plane right on time. Our flight was scheduled to leave at 11:03. Our carry-ons were safely tucked into the overhead compartment and we were situated in our seats. I rested my head on Jax's shoulder, popped in a piece of gum, and prepared myself for the long flight back to California. The whole time my head was filled with images of our smiling son and the comfortable house awaiting us at home.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>HOPE YOU ENJOY THE CHAPTER! <strong>


	24. Can't Help Falling In Love With You

Gemma was a force to be reckoned with. She would have made a good wedding planner or drill sergeant.. Every detail was planned. Right down to the minute. She had been going on for weeks about how she wanted her son to have the perfect day.

* * *

><p>My alarm clock blared, waking me from the deep sleep I had fallen into. My eyes popped open and I instinctively searched the bed for Jax. My hands only pulled at cold sheets. For a brief moment I had forgotten that Gemma insisted he slept in his old room the night before our wedding. We weren't allowed to see each other until the ceremony.<p>

I had been so lost in my thoughts about Jax and the wedding that I hadn't noticed the pitter patter of ran against the window pane. I sat up with a start and stared at the big, bay window looking out into our broken down backyard. The mud was beginning to rise above the grass and the little outdoor furniture that we did have was soaked. Shit. Gemma was probably blowing a gasket. In one swift motion I reached for the phone sitting on the bedside table and dialed my future mother-in-law's number.

"I checked the weather thirty times in the last week!" She screamed into the receiver before I got the chance to greet her. "It was supposed to be sunny! With a thirty percent chance of rain. The weatherman only says thirty percent to cover his ass. Nothing ever comes of it." A big boom of thunder followed and I cringed. "You've got to be shitting me!" Gemma screamed more to herself than to me.

The stress in her voice was obvious. I could see her pacing around her and Clay's kitchen in her silk robe. She was whispering under her breath. I couldn't make out what she was saying. Then her words became more audible. "The decorations are ruined. I had the guys put them up last night!" Something shattered on the other line. I cringed again, picturing a vase or plate flying across the room and colliding with a wall. "The seat covers are covered in mud, the wind knocked down the gazebo. My backyard looks like a war zone."

Reality sunk in. My wedding day was ruined. I had been so worried about how upset Gemma was going to be that I never thought about my own feelings. Frustration and anger surged through my body. Today was supposed to be the day. Jax and I had faced a tough battle over the last few years. We made it. This was supposed to be it...Tears burned the corners of my eyes and a lump rose in my throat. I swallowed, trying my best to stop myself from crying. It was a lost cause. They spilled over my lids and made trails down my cheeks. "What are we going to do?" I asked, my voice came out small.

There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. Gemma sucked in a breath and I waited. Finally, she exhaled. "Get over here. Bring Abel with you. We'll figure something out."

I nodded, despite the fact that she couldn't see me. She was still talking, babbling on about breaking tradition by seeing Jax. She said this was an exception because it was urgent. I listened, while I went through the motions of running a comb through my hair and changing into one of Jax's plaid button ups and a pair of jeans.

* * *

><p>Abel and I were both wrapped in rain slickers, but we still managed to get soaked. I kept my head bent against the wind and rain as I ran from the car to Gemma's house with Abel on my hip. I slipped into the backdoor of the house and began shaking off the water. Gemma, Clay, and Jax were all sitting at the dining room table. Jax stood up to greet us. He pecked me quick on the lips, then bent to plant a kiss on the top of Abel's head.<p>

After we shed our jackets and were warm we sat down to join the others. They had already been in deep discussion, throwing around alternative ideas. Clay kept quiet. Probably because every time he opened his mouth Gemma shot down the idea. Abel was sitting across from me at the table, pushing cheerios around with his little fingers. Jax was next to me, holding my hand as we both listened to Gemma. I turned ideas over in my head, trying to find a solution.

A lightbulb went off in my head. I sat up straighter and let a smile spread across my face. "The clubhouse!" I looked from Jax to Gemma then back again. "We can have it in the clubhouse."

Gemma began to shake her head. She was already formulating a response to nip the idea in the ass. Jax nodded next to me. He dropped my hand and leaned forward. "She's right, mom. The clubhouse is perfect. Cheap. Good on short notice." We both stared at Gemma. She wasn't completely sold, but her restraint was wavering. "What other choice do we have?"

* * *

><p>There had been no time to be nervous before. Not one minute to question whether this was a bad idea. Was I moving too fast? We were only nineteen. I sat in front of the mirror in Gemma and Clay's master bathroom, studying my reflection. I had been scrubbed, buffed, brushed, and plucked by an influx of different old ladies all morning. Now I was staring at a woman with loosely waved dark hair, perfectly arched eyebrows and subtle, but beautiful make up.<p>

Donna, my Maid of Honor, poked her head in the room. She looked beautiful in her above the knee navy blue dress and curly up-do. "Gemma's ready for you. She's waiting in the car."

I nodded and watched as the smaller brunette left the room, silently closely the door behind her. My body was shaking slightly as I pulled myself to my feet. My mind wandered to my mother. What would she think about me having a baby and getting married at nineteen? I shook the thoughts from my head. Today was my day. I needed to embrace that. Jax was the love of my life. My mother would understand that.

* * *

><p>Gemma stuck me in the clubhouse apartment and told me to wait there until she came for me. She was stressed. I could see it in the tense way her forehead was creased and the haphazard way her hair was thrown up. I knew not to argue. Instead, I sat down on the unmade bed and prepared myself to wait two minutes or two hours.<p>

The guests were beginning to arrive. Their excited chatter floated down the hall to greet me. Their presence soothed me a little, but I was still nervously smoothing out the skirt of my dress. My sweaty palms continuously ran over the lacy bottom. If it was anyone else, but Jax waiting out there for me I would have jetted a long time ago. But it was Jax. I'd loved him since I was sixteen. He was the father of my child. This was the right decision.

"Ready?" Gemma asked, coming into the room about a half hour after she left me.

I nodded and stood up, wobbling slightly in my heels. Gemma smiled at me, taking in the sight of me in the long dress. A tear was threatening to spill over in the corner of her eye. I took a moment to appreciate how much mine and Gemma's relationship had changed in the course of a year. I had almost all but forgotten the time she threatened me in order to keep Jax here with her. Now she was planning our wedding and crying tears of joy at the sight of me in my dress.

She held the door wider, allowing me to pass by, kissing me quickly on the cheek as I did so. "Take care of my boy," She warned, lightly. I nodded, feeling like I had been doing a lot of that today, then followed Gemma down the hall. She instructed me to let her take a seat, then begin my solo march down the aisle.

The traditional wedding march began blaring from the speakers. I was standing at the end of the makeshift aisle Gemma and the guys had created only hours ago. All of the guests rose from their seats and turned to face me. I felt my cheeks flush red from their attention. Then I remembered Jax's words a few hours before the ceremony. 'If you get scared. Just look at me'. So I did. I looked toward the end of the aisle and locked eyes with Jax. He offered me a smile. It was the motivation I needed to make it down the aisle. I began stepping to the slow beat of the music.

"Do you Jackson Nathaniel Teller take Tara Grace Knowles to be your loftly wedded wife..." The judge began. We were standing in front of the clubhouse bar. I was flanked by Donna and Jax by Opie. The audience was smiling up at us, but I hardly noticed. I let myself get lost in the blue of Jax's face and the warmth of his hands in mine.

"I do," Jax said, offering me a half smirk and his signature wink. I bit my tongue to keep from giggling like a school girl.

The judge then addressed me, repeating the vows he had just said to Jax. "To have and to hold, for as long as you both shall live?"

Tears were welling in the corners of my eyes and I was doing my best to keep them there. I smiled and never letting my eyes leave Jax's said, "I do."

"I now pronounce you Mr. and Mrs. Jackson Teller. You may now kiss the bride."

He was barely able to get the words out before Jax had my face in his hands. He leaned down and pressed his lips against mine. Then we were lost in the moment. I let my lips work against his. Jax and I had shared too many kisses to count in our years together, but nothing compared to this one. Fireworks exploded behind my eyelids and everything else in the world fell away. It was just us two. And now our lives were joined forever.

A few coughs and throat clearings escaped from the audience. A blush immediately invaded my cheeks. I pulled away and faced the guests. Jax followed, linking my arm through his. Claps erupted from our guests and they were on their feet again once the wedding march began playing again. The two of us went down the aisle together. The smiles on our faces were broad and impossible to change.

* * *

><p>The guys had cleared away the chairs to make room for a dance floor after the ceremony. Juice was stationed in the corner of the bar with his laptop. He was playing DJ for the night. After the ceremony Jax and I went around to our guests to great them. They all gave us tight hugs and congratulated us. I felt like I was walking on air. I had been smiling all night, but my cheeks didn't burn. My feet were still stuffed in the uncomfortable heels, but I didn't feel the blisters that were most definitely forming. All of the doubts that I had had prior to the wedding had been washed away.<p>

The first few bars of Ingrid Michaelson's version of "Can't Help Falling in Love With You" began playing over the speakers. Juice hopped up on the bar and called everyone to attention. "Ladies and Gentlemen, it is time for the bride and groom's first dance." He was smiling ear to ear, clearly proud of his introduction. I mouthed my thanks and followed Jax into the center of our make shift dance floor.

Jax wrapped me in his arms, pressing me close to his body. I knotted my hands at the back of his neck and the two of us swayed to the slow music. He twirled me around the dance floor as our guests looked on. Throughout the three and a half minute song he kept his mouth close to my ear, whispering 'I love yous' and 'you look beautiful'. I couldn't keep the smile off my face.

* * *

><p>It was nearly one in morning when the night finally came to a close. Jax and I were standing by the door. We had each hugged LuAnne and thanked her for coming before retreating back into the clubhouse. The only ones left were Clay and Gemma. Neeta had taken Abel home hours ago.<p>

I sighed and sunk into the couch, the exhaustion of the day finally rearing it's ugly head. Gemma on the other hand was wide awake. She was bustling around the clubhouse with a garbage bag throwing out empty plates and glasses. Clay was tidying up behind the bar. He looked just as tired as I felt. "Mom, go home," Jax told her, taking the bag from her hands. "We'll do this in the morning."

Gemma looked stunned for a moment, like she couldn't imagine leaving the mess. Clay came out from behind the bar and wrapped an around his wife's shoulders. "Come on, baby. We'll make the prospects do it."

* * *

><p>The clubhouse door slammed shut, then Jax and I were alone. He sunk down next to me on the couch, pulling my feet onto his lap. I sighed with pleasure when he removed my shoes and began massaging my aching feet. My head fell back against the armrest of the couch and I closed my eyes, not bothering to fight the exhaustion.<p>

* * *

><p>I woke up from being slightly jostled. I was in Jax's arms and he was carrying me down the hall to the clubhouse apartment. I sat up, wrapping my arms around his neck and silently cursing myself for falling asleep. I noticed I was still in my wedding dress and laughed. Jax probably had no idea how to take it off of me.<p>

Once we were in the room I apologized to Jax for falling asleep and began to strip out of the white dress.

Jax was already lounging across the bed in nothing but a pair of boxers when I came out of the bathroom. His head had fallen back against the pillows and a slight snore escaped his barely parted lips. I laughed and crawled up next to him resting my head against his chest. I guess neither of us were up to a traditional wedding night.

I fell asleep to the sound of Jax's heartbeat, while I replayed the memories of the day. It had been perfect despite the change in plans. It was out of the ordinary. Just like Jax and I. The doctor to be and the biker.

* * *

><p><strong>ENJOY!<strong>


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